Femme Friday – Karen Akunowicz

This post is dedicated to my father, who always encouraged adventurous eating and who taught me how to cook. Happy 87th, Baba!

Karen Akunowicz is the executive chef and partner at Boston’s South End Restaurant, Meyers + Chang, is the co-author of a cookbook, Meyers + Chang At Home. She received three “Best Chef Northeast” nominations from the James Beard awards, and was on Season 13 of the show, “Top Chef”.

Deep gratitude to Karen for teaching us how to whomp up some Sweet-and-Sour Brussels Sprouts, for all the love and hard work she puts into preparing delicious and adventurous food, and for making sure the article about her in Spirit Magazine included the fact that she’s a proud queer femme!

Here is recipe for the Sprouts! There are other great recipes on her website:

http://www.karenakunowicz.com/

And if you’re ever in Boston, be sure to take yourself over to Meyers + Chang for some superior and exquisite nosh!

Sweet-And-Sour Brussels Sprouts

Ingredients
Brussels sprouts (cut in half)
4 Tablespoons of fresh mint (sliced)
1/4 cup of canola oil 2 large shallots (sliced very thin)
1 cup rice wine vinegar
1/4 c salt 1/4 c sugar
1 inch of ginger
2 garlic cloves
1 dried chili
1 cup quinoa (white or red)
2 quarts of water
1/4 c olive oil
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup rice wine vinegar
2 teaspoons of red pepper flakes salt+pepper to season

Directions for the quinoa
Bring the two quarts of water up to a rolling boil and add the quinoa, stirring. Simmer for 8 minutes and drain well. When the quinoa is cool, heat 1/4 cup of olive oil in a heavy bottomed sauté pan. Add the quinoa and stir until crunchy and toasted, season with salt and pepper. Set aside.

Directions for the hot and sweet sauce
Place sugar, rice wine vinegar and red pepper flakes in a sauce pot and bring to a boil. Reduce until it is the consistency of thin maple syrup. Set aside. (This is the “sweet” in sweet and sour)

Directions for the pickled shallots
Combine 1/4 cup of sugar, 1/4 cup of salt, 1 cup of rice wine vinegar ginger, garlic and chili in a small pot and heat until sugar and salt dissolve. Cool completely. Slice shallots very thin and soak with pickling liquid. (This provides the sour component to the dish)

Directions for the Brussels
Heat a large flat bottomed sauté pan with 1/4 cup of canola oil. Place the Brussels in the pan one by one, cut side down, season with salt and pepper. When the Brussels brown nicely (on the cut side) add 4 tablespoons of water to the pan and let evaporate on medium heat. Transfer the Brussels sprouts to a bowl and dress with hot and sweet sauce, pickled shallots and fresh mint. Finish with a 1/2 cup of toasted quinoa on top.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess with the goal of fostering queer femme community. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Femme Friday – Barrie Jean Borich

Please welcome Barrie Jean Borich to The Total Femme this Friday! Confetti! Applause! Fireworks! Glitter and love! Barrie Jean is a femme author whose books have a place of honor on my femme bookshelf, an academic, an activist, a generous, nuanced, and beautiful thinker, and so much more. Thank you for stopping by, Barrie Jean!

Deep gratitude to Barrie Jean for her over three decades of femme, for taking time out of her busy semester to write such a thoughtful and gorgeous post, for her dedication to femme story, and for writing, “The femme who sustains keeps her fashion livable.” Hell yes, queer femme running shoes!!

BorichAuthorPhotoApocDarling3

Blog entry for The Total Femme

February 16, 2018

By Barrie Jean Borich

Having used the word femme to describe myself for over three decades, I have to stand back and pause before I am able articulate what the designator means to me today. When I was young in the mid-1980s the word defined the kind of lesbian I was, which was the type who wore dresses, high heeled boots, and eyeliner. (I still am that type, with the exception of the heels I can no longer handle, at my age, living as I do now in a dense urban environment without a car and always running for busses, cabs and trains. The femme who sustains keeps her fashion livable.) My femme ways have not otherwise really changed much over the years, but as gender politics shift I have come to think of femme a bit differently, as more than a modifier, a gender identity in its own right, overlapping yet distinct from the markers of woman and lesbian.

When I am asked to parse my identity, filling out surveys that ask me to choose from a long list of check boxes (and you can tell I am a queer by how often I am asked to fill out such surveys) I tend to check both cis and genderqueer, because in the femme these descriptors overlay. The combination may not be a perfect fit but femme is never one of the boxes and so hybridity is the only way, within the selections offered, I know to indicate the way femme resides in the space of that overlap. We are often not accurately seen, living outside of the heteronormative narrative, a position that provides us broad parameters of beauty as well as misogyny-marked injury (the Me Too! Movement, has, in its familiarity, shaken me to the core) as well as tremendous outlier strength and the critical distance from hetero-dominative narratives to see things others do not. As a writer I love this overview and would not for anything give up this seat.

I wrote directly about these shifting ways of seeing femme identities in “Our Bodies, Our Archives,” the essay that led The Total Femme blog to my work, but all my books have been about interrogating the world from the femme point of view. My first book, Restoring the Color of Roses (Firebrand 1993) was about coming of age as a femme and also about recovering from the broken parts. My Lesbian Husband (Graywolf 1999) was about living in long-term pre-marriage-equality domesticity with my spouse Linnea (who these days self-identifies as a trans-masculine human being) to whom I am now legally wed, and I continue to write about femme perspective on our marriage, most recently in the essay “The Butch and the Bathroom.” My next book, Body Geographic (University of Nebraska 2012) was about the relationship of Midwestern cities to the femme body at midlife. In my new book, Apocalypse, Darling, I explore broken places, delusion, and the nature of both love and forgiveness, my femme body at the center of these intersections serving as a kind of weather vane.

In this excerpt of Apocalypse, Darling, which is an adaptation of TS Eliot’s poem “The Wasteland” (the book is a cycle of short sections like this one) Linnea and I attend a contentious family wedding:

The Tattoo Merchant. Inside an Inaccurate Indiana Fantasy 2008

And so we gather in this golf course living room, on folding chairs set up where a sofa usually sits. Linnea and I accidentally sit on the bride’s side instead of the groom’s, and her redheaded surgeon sister joins us, along with kids and husband, and we are all settled there, me on the end, my shoulder grazing the rough brick of the fireplace, before we notice our seating mistake. By then we don’t want to take the trouble to move, especially since the groom’s family is far too few to claim one whole side of the room.

And there I sit when some old uncle, yellow-shirted, keys and coins jangling in his pocket, squeezes up along the fireplace wall, making passage where there is no passage, a camera hanging around his neck, ostensibly pushing up to the front to get a better snapshot. He straddles chairs, clatters forward, and it makes no sense that he wouldn’t just walk up the center aisle, until he gets to me. Standing behind, bending over, he places his palms on each bare shoulder and squeezes, leaning into my neck, whispering into my ear, his vanity requiring, but receiving, no response. Nice tattoo, he growls, and he squeezes me again.

Linnea sits just two inches away, turns and glares at this bumpy old uncle, as any husband would. Only then does this guy take his hands off my shoulders. Only then am I sure he does not know what we are talking about here.

He punches Linnea on the shoulder, ha-ha, guy-to-guy. In the linguistics of the old country I am a blond with visible boobs and tattoos, a good-time gal hanging in this gallery of broken torsos, still smelling of the wind of some familiar burning, his nothing touching nothing of me, my real body, Linnea’s body, not to them what our bodies are to us, made of fragments of a language still, here, unheard.
From Apocalypse, Darling by Barrie Jean Borich, available now From Ohio State University Press.
©2018 Barrie Jean Borich

FRONTCOVER_Borich_HiRes

Barrie Jean Borich is the author of Apocalypse, Darling (Ohio State University Press: Mad Creek Crooks/Machete Series in Literary Nonfiction 2018). Her memoir Body Geographic (University of Nebraska Press/American Lives Series 2013) won a Lambda Literary Award and Kirkus called the book “an elegant literary map that celebrates shifting topographies as well as human bodies in motion.” Borich’s previous book, My Lesbian Husband (Graywolf 2000) won the ALA Stonewall Book Award. She is an associate professor at Chicago’s DePaul University, where she edits Slag Glass City, a journal of the urban essay arts. www.barriejeanborich.com

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

Meditations for Queer Femmes – Political Femme

Earlier this month, we had our February Femme Klatsch. We met at the mall, in a sprawling restaurant, six femmes from all different walks of life sitting together in a cone of femme space. Femme Klatsch was born through a collaboration with my sister femme, Liz, as both of us were craving regular femme community, especially now when there is so much anger and fear. Not only that, we wanted a place where we could focus in on topics relevant to our queer femme lives. It would be easy to sit together in femme love and chat about outfits, children, work, partners, dating, food, or what have you, and there is much healing and laughter in such casual femme-only events. Liz and I, however, have the goal of opening up space where we queer femmes can discuss and share our femme experiences; where we can delve more deeply into what it means to be queer femmes. One of the ways we encourage this is to have a collection of questions to jump-start discussion. At our last Klatsch, the question picked was, “How did you come out as femme?”

As my femme sisters spoke about coming into their femme identities, something new about my own femme identity began to coalesce; something about politics. I couldn’t quite articulate it just then, but now I can say that my claiming femme couldn’t happen for me until I was able to situate my politics in femme and my femme in my politics. For me, if it’s not about understanding and fighting systems of oppression, I don’t want to go. As a hard-core 70s feminist, I had quite a difficult time copping to acting “girly” – like letting my butch date open the door for me or pay for dinner – until I was able to understand that allowing a butch to care for me in this way was actually spitting in the face of patriarchy, exactly what I was doing when not allowing straight men to give me the “little lady” treatment. I had to come to understand that femme could include every aspect of the way I see the world through social justice lenses. I think one reason I wasn’t able to come out for so long as femme, one reason I thought femme could be discarded when I met and fell in love with a “regulah” lesbian, was because I had yet to find examples of how my radical politics could fit into what felt like, at the time, a sexual preference (my attraction to butches). I thought my politics would transform and inform my sexual and love relationships, no matter who I was with, and, of course, to some extent, that is true. But I am a femme who loves butches – loving butches is an integral part of my being femme – and it wasn’t until I was able to situate my politics in my particular way of being femme that I was able to claim queer femme as my identity. And then, oh glory, I could begin to discover who I really was instead of who I thought I was supposed to be or who I was pretending to be. Could, in fact, do nothing other.

My story and yours may intersect in some parts, diverge widely in others, but each is beautiful and rich and inspiring. There are so many millions of ways to be femme!

Today, take time to honor your femme story, alone or with one or more other femmes. I hope you will find something new, an insight or a different way of interpreting a familiar incident or memory. That you will hold your femme story, in all it’s imperfect perfection, and cherish it and know it is still unfolding. This complex, complicated, splendiferous being that you are: fully human, fully femme, fully you.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Femme Friday – Mary Senyonga and L.A. Femmes of Color

It is a beautiful thing to hear about other places where femmes are gathering. The L.A. Femmes of Color Collective grew from a workshop held at Models of Pride in Oct., 2014 by V Durand, Jo De La Torre, Stepheyne Apodoca, Lana Contreras, Lawrencia Dandridge and Armineh Pesh.

They created a hashtag — #FemmesofColorVisibility – “in order document our selfies as a form of resistance, as a way of combating femme invisibility and as a way of being intentional about creating a sense of community online and reclaiming space on social media” (from lafemmesofcolor.tumblr.com/hashtag).

In July of 2015, they launched the LAFoCC FEMME Stories Project with an interview with Mary Senyonga.

Deep gratitude to Mary for so generously and graciously discussing intersectionality and how femme is part of her identity and for her beautiful definition of femme.

Deep gratitude to the founders and members of L.A. Femmes of Color for holding up and holding close all femmes of color.

https://www.colorlines.com/articles/video-la-femmes-color-collective-launch-new-story-project

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

 

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

 

 

Pingy Dingy Wednesday – Trust Black Women

You’re watching a show, you see an ad on tv or you drive past a billboard and you say to yourself, “Wow, that really rubbed me the wrong way, but I can’t quite put my finger on what’s wrong…” Then you read something like “What Is Reproductive Justice?” on the Trust Black Women website and it’s pure poetry, they have put words to that uneasy feeling you experienced and you come out empowered and fired up, with more tools to do what you need to do to challenge and disrupt white supremacy.

Trust Black Women, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for allowing that reprehensible billboard campaign to galvanize you into positive, healing action, and thank you for naming it, naming it, naming it!

https://www.trustblackwomen.org/about-trust-black-women/our-story

https://www.trustblackwomen.org/our-work/what-is-reproductive-justice

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on February 7, 2018 at 5:32 PM  Comments (2)  
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Femme Friday – Femmes in Literature: Grace from “Winner Take All” by Andrea Dale

There are so many twists and turns on the highways and byways of popular culture about which I know little to nothing. Things like hick-hop and “Game of Thrones”* and the contest in this story. Everyone has to touch the new truck, and the winner is the person who keeps their hand on the truck the longest; they get to keep the truck. That is weird. The story, however, is hot as hell, and Grace is a domme bomb.

Deep gratitude to Andrea Dale for taking a stroll into the world of weird contests and coming up with Grace, who knows that choice can be a very good restraint.

That innocent, breathy voice coming out of that pretty little blond form.

            Aren’t dommes supposed to be tall, imperious, stern, and wear black leather? Not petite, angelic, smiling, and wearing ruffly colorful fashion?

            Maybe that’s why she was affecting me the way she was. She wasn’t a cliché, wasn’t someone who used the tired old props.

            In other words, she didn’t need a dungeon to be a domme.

            The DJ called another scheduled time-out.

            Argh.

            The showroom had only one tiny ladies’ room, but Grace and I were the only two women left. She let me use the bathroom first, which was nice, except…damn.

            Damn if I didn’t want to plunge my hand down into my jeans, into my cotton panties, and stroke away the slick, needy urge she’d raised in me. A few minutes of privacy, that was all I needed. But I knew she was waiting outside. I knew she’d know what I’d been doing.

            And somehow, I didn’t want to disappoint her. It was crazy, I knew, and yet I also knew that if I got myself off, I’d be…disobeying, maybe?

            Grace hadn’t said a word about what I could or couldn’t do – and indeed, we’d only just met, so who was she to give me orders, anyway – but I instinctively understood what she expected of me, and I wasn’t about to let her down.

                                    –“Winner Take All” by Andrea Dale in The Harder She Comes: Butch/Femme Erotica, ed. DL King, Cleis Press, 2012

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 *Which I actually started to read because one of my students asked me to since she loves it so much, but right on the first page it said the words, “Never trust anything you learned at a woman’s tit,” so that was as far as I got.

 

Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Brown Girl Surf

One of the many lessons I learned from my mother was about how our natural environment feeds us and nurtures us. She also taught me that we must also take care of our precious earth. I remember one time in particular when there was a lot of trash kicking around the trail where we were hiking. I immediately went to “People are so inconsiderate and such assholes and now we have to clean up their mess!” but my mom just murmured, “This trash is unsightly; let’s clean it up so the next people to come along won’t have to deal with it.” A wise woman, my mom!

The ocean is a great healer as well as a primal force. It is our birthright as earth’s creatures to derive spiritual, mental, and physical fulfillment from interacting with the ocean as well as to care for and respect it. Brown Girl Surf, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for you enriching surf culture with your gorgeous presence, your environmental reverence, and your pure joy.

https://www.browngirlsurf.com/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Published in: on January 31, 2018 at 3:22 PM  Comments (2)  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes — Eye Candy

I just returned from the 2018 Creating Change conference, a gathering of 4000 queer activists, organizers, educators, public policy makers and more, all of us congregating in one place. The 5-day hooptie begins with a day-long racial justice institute on Wednesday and culminates in a Sunday brunch. It is something else.

There are so many things I want to talk about, so many things I learned, so many profound truths discovered and rediscovered, but this Monday I want to talk about eye candy.

Girl.

There were some butches. There were a lot of butches. From stern and soft Sue Hyde, the Creating Change conference director who is retiring after 30 years and with whom I shared office-space when I volunteered for OutWrite a million years ago and I was just a wee baby femme and she was courting her wife, endless lovey phone calls full of “baby” and sex voice to which I listened, mesmerized and turned on; to Eddie Clement Swan and Carmen Vazquez, two old-school, suit-wearing butches; Eddie, gentlemanly and sweet and community minded, proprietor of the LRoom in Durham, NC; Carmen, director of the LGBT Health and Human Services Unit at the New York State Department of Health who was on the panels of both “Histories of Activism in Times of Tyranny” and “Sexversations: Pussy Politics & Top/Bottom/Switch Culture,” and who is wise and open-hearted and HOT.

We femmes who love butches are always running on a deficit, ‘cause when do you ever get to see enough butches, a variety of butches, a bouquet of butches in all their sexy glory? Most about never! And even if you do see a butch out in public, how often do they even notice you, smiling away and saying, “Hey, there, mister!” with your eyes? At Creating Change, there was a lot of mutual smiling, and a lot of noticing.

I know that “eye candy” usually refers to people who typify folks to whom you are sexually attracted, and I adored my butch eye candy at Creating Change. In addition, however, I realized how profound it was to be surrounded by such a mind-blowing variety of queers. The coterie of gorgeous trans women who attended Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, the black, transgender elder who received the Susan J. Hyde award for longevity in the movement. The femmes, shy and a little mousy like me, flirty and put together like Gabbi Boyle, presenter of the workshop, “Dance/Movement: A Tool for Self-Care and Social Justice”. Gay men, swishy or more butch; the young ones with their dashing outfits, the older ones rocking comfortable shoes and greying mustaches. Bisexual elders like Loraine Hutchins, co-editor of Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, her hair died the colors of the bi flag, passing by on her scooter; lesbians of all flavors, gender fluid folks, trans men and so many more filled that DC hotel with their style, energy, spirit and beauty.

Being able to gaze upon butches for five days certainly boosted my spirits and my libido, but being surrounded by all the flavors of fabulous was the larger gift. Queers from 18 to 80 were mingling and congregating, smiling at each other, greeting each other, and checking in with each other in the elevators and in the hallways. The term “eye candy” is hardly enough to describe the impact of this kind of gift: I’d say it was more like soul nourishment.

There is so much more to say about the complex, flawed, gorgeous, unwieldy, amazing, chaotic, loving and utterly queer explosion that is Creating Change, but for today I just want to say thank you. Thank you for the eye candy. Thank you for nourishing my queer femme soul.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Femme Friday – Nairne Holtz and Femme Confidential

I don’t know about you, queer femme sisters, but have been known to slump about the house moaning about the lack of novels about femmes. I’m not sure what the problem is, or rather, I’m quite sure it’s a much longer discussion, so for today, I just want to give a huge THANK YOU to Nairne Holtz for writing Femme Confidential, published by Insomniac Press in 2017. It just showed up in my mailbox and I’m only a few pages in, so I can’t tell you much, but I have to write about it because I’m so excited to be reading an honest-to-goodness, really-o, truly-o actual FEMME NOVEL!

Deep gratitude to Nairne Holtz for loving Femme Confidential into existence and giving us queer femmes a novel of our own.

Femme Confidential is a wry look at sexual freedom and finding yourself, your queer tribe, and the not-so-perfect girlfriend. Beautiful and charismatic Veronika, whose primary dating criteria is hotness, embraces the role of mean girl – until she has a baby. Liberty, the daughter of leftist Quaker hippies, is quick to judge but discovers some butches make it hard for a femme to do the right thing. Dana, a trans woman, struggles to find her place in the lesbian community where masculinity, something she wants to irradiate from her being, is embraced by the femmes she desires.

–from the back cover of Femme Confidential by Nairne Holtz, who “lives in Hamilton, Ontario with her wife and miniature dogs.”

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

 

 

Published in: on January 26, 2018 at 7:44 AM  Comments (2)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Princess Daazhraii Johnson and “What’s Missing from #MeToo and #TimesUp: One Indigenous Woman’s Perspective”

It can be such an uphill battle to convince colleagues to spend just a little more time to take into account what many still consider to be separate issues. For example, do we really need to sell bottled water at our queer event? “Just this once!” or “It’s good for our cause!” just don’t cut it when we all know, or should, that justice for one must encompass justice for all, including Mother Earth and all her creatures.

Princess Daazhraii Johnson, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for writing so eloquently about the connections between social justice and environmental justice and for reminding us to ask, “How can we be of service?”.

https://medium.com/@Daazhraii/whats-missing-from-metoo-and-timesup-one-indigenous-woman-s-perspective-14a8d9d8cecd

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)