Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Arti over at InterACT: “Not all intersex people are the same”

At the Creating Change conference this past January, I was lucky enough to be able to attend a workshop put on by InterACT. They did an amazing job educating the workshop participants, and I came away greatly inspired and energized. I am so grateful for their work and generosity.

Arti over at InterAct, you get one pingy-dingy, for bravely and kindly sharing your experience and for not hiding the beautiful person that you are!

https://interactadvocates.org/not-all-intersex-people-are-the-same/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

 

Published in: on October 18, 2017 at 4:36 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes — In Provincetown Last Week

In Provincetown last week, we took part in the 2017 Women’s Week, and oh, the glory of it all!

In Provincetown last week, the local paper had a story about the hijinks lesbians used to get up to back in the day, including a Halloween prank that involved a blonde called Trashette getting her butt whipped “with a couple of adorable little apartment sized whips” and then being faux branded on her leather-clad ass by a group of randy dykes.

This is not the kind of local news we get here in our Boston suburb.

Today at QSA check in, the kids asked me if I wanted to share, so I told them about how Tex and I were in Provincetown last week for Women’s Week, our yearly delight. I told them about how being in Provincetown always astounds me because I can be fully who I am. They knew exactly what I meant. “You can be yourself without always being the science experiment!” one QSA member said. “You mean straight people can act like themselves all the time?? What??” We talked about how here, you’re “the gay one”, whereas in an all-queer culture, it starts with being queer and just goes deeper. Queer is the foundation but not the entirety.

In Provincetown last week, a butch/femme couple from Indiana came to our butch/femme pop up at the Harbor Lounge, and we had fun horrifying them with the prices of real estate (“$200,000 for a heated 2-car garage!” etc.), which, I think, made them feel pretty good about all the land and real estate they have back home, much less pricey, much more roomy. Not many other queers, though, no real queer community.

We are so lucky to be near enough to Provincetown and financially stable enough to get down there as often as we do. For health, happiness, and spreading the love, we constantly think about how to carry back the comfort and inspiration Provincetown’s queer culture affords us. It isn’t easy to be both generous and self-protective enough that you can gather around you a varied, loving friend and colleague group made up of people who can see you as a whole person, around whom you can let down your guard a bit and bust out.

In Provincetown last week, we bathed in the gorgeous light, took our queerness to new depths, and rededicated ourselves to art and community and open-hearted healing.

In Provincetown last week, I thought of you, femme sisters, wherever you may be, and I wished and still wish for your complex and unique femme selves to blossom and bloom to the oohs and ahs and endless appreciation of all who behold!

Every Monday (or Tuesday), I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

 

Published in: on October 17, 2017 at 4:41 PM  Comments (2)  
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Femme Friday on a Saturday (Because I’m in Ptown at Women’s Week, Femme Sisters!!) — Kathleen, from Crybaby Butch

I gobbled up Judith Frank’s Crybaby Butch when it first came out in 2004. After we did her next novel, All I Love and Know, for queer book group, Tex and I read Crybaby Butch out loud to each other. They are both stunning novels, both well written and filled with deep, abiding love and understanding for queer people.

This Femme Friday, I am holding up Kathleen, who, among other things, has made a killer hangover cure since 1963, knits scarves and hats for the figurines of swans, frogs, gnomes, and Buddhas out in her yard, and whose socks were knocked off by Stone Butch Blues, which she read out loud to her butch, Chris.

Deep gratitude to Judith Frank for loving Kathleen onto the page and for her proper and deferential understanding that femmes always get the last word.

When Chris got home Wednesday, she found Dell and Kathleen in the living room, drinking beers and giggling over an old photo album. They had Oprah on the TV, with the sound off. Kathleen had taken a rare sick day, to spend the day with Dell. “Lord, this was some roll of film,” Kathleen called out. “Remember that one, honey, where you look great in every picture?

Chris approached and peered down at the pictures. They had taken that roll over a week of vacation, when a bunch of them had rented a cabin up in Wisconsin. There were some at the beach, some barbecuing in the yard, lots of group shots of lounging lesbians with beers in their hands, looking up at the camera through sunglasses. Everybody looked goofy in at least a few shots, caught chewing, or with their mouths slack, but not Chris. “Oh yeah,” Chris grinned. “Just goes to show you the power of a good haircut.

Kathleen and Dell looked at each other and cracked up.

“What?”

“We were just talking about butches and their hair,” Dell said, still giggling. She pointed to other butches in the pictures: Jo, Perry, Sue Black still cocky before she got messed up by the cops. “Man,” Dell said, “You guys are like old ladies that way, always with a hand up, patting or smoothing.”

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com.

Published in: on October 14, 2017 at 12:57 PM  Comments (2)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday — Leah Vernon and Muslim Girl

In honor of Semiha and Songül, sweet friends from my little girl days in Turkey, who shared candied chickpeas with me, taught me Turkish hopscotch, and schooled me in Ramadan…

Leah Vernon and Muslim Girl, you get one pingy-dingy!

Thank you for putting it right out there where we can all benefit from your strength, wisdom, and fabulousness!

http://muslimgirl.com/45281/finally-noticed-uniqueness-asset/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Published in: on October 11, 2017 at 9:45 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes — Have Enjoy

As an ESL teacher and lover of language, I am always on the lookout for those sublime moments when feeling and passion cut through the mundane rules of English and offer up profound teaching. Today, four meditation-worthy sayings that transcend English and cut right to the heart of joy.

Have enjoy. (said a sweet server at a Thai restaurant as she put our food on the table)

Fine good. (written all over the paper wrapping from a flower shop in Japan)

Better do. (from Japan, but I don’t remember the exact origin — maybe a t-shirt?)

and of course: Always go forward to tomorrow with hedgehog. (from a duffle bag, bought in Japan)

Every Monday (or Tuesday!), I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

Femme Friday — Vickie Shaw

Women’s Week is about to begin in Provincetown, and you can bet that Tex and I will be there with our lesbo bells on! We have a special place in our heart for femme comedian Vickie Shaw, whose ridiculous schtick at the Women’s Week Idol show is deeply satisfying and whose true blue femme raunch and rant will always make you (laugh so hard you’ll) cry.

Deep gratitude to Vickie for her dedication to all-queer humor!

“Grandkids”

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme. I want to feature you! Email me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me feature your beautiful, unique, femme story!

 

Published in: on October 6, 2017 at 11:58 AM  Comments (2)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday — Dusk Peterson

I love you, John.

Dusk Peterson, you get one pingy-dingy! Along with Michael Rowe and Laura Antoniou, thank you for loving John, too, and for holding sacred space for him here.

http://www.duskpeterson.com/preston/timeline/rowe.htm

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

 

Published in: on October 4, 2017 at 10:58 AM  Comments (2)  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes — Stream of Consciousness on the Services of the Pervert, Continued

Until childhood is freed from repressive contracts of innocence and ignorance and until the family as an institution is neither romanticized nor sentimentalized, society will seek, require, and even demand the services of the pervert. –Eric Rofes, Status Quo or Status Queer? A Radical Rethinking of Sexuality and Schooling, 2005

Queer femmes are magicians, mistresses of subterfuge, and supremely in your face. Queer femmes are perverts. We are perverts who no longer waste our time and energy being in service to and trying to change the homodestructive status quo. We are perverts, loudly, proudly. Because what is a pervert other than someone who bends, twists, evades, and decimates the rules? Rules made by straight white cis men in their fury and ignorance and lonely paucity of spirit.

We queer femme perverts no longer try to fit in: we flame and glitter for no one but ourselves and those we love. Our love is perverted and huge. Our perverted love defies boundaries.

Queer femmes are true to our perverted gifts. We use them to call our own to us, to bolster perverts everywhere. We use our perverted femme magic to find our own perverted femme path and we tread stompingly in wedges, running shoes, pumps, jellies, orthotics, Doc Martins on the pervert path to glory, submission, domination, sexual satisfaction and everywhere coming up rainbows.

We queer femme perverts dig deep into our perversion, coming up with rich, life-giving thoughts, actions, memories, access. Our perversion, the brilliance of our perversion that interrupts programming as usual, that intersects with the fight and glory of perverts of other stripes and journeys, and that makes us magicians and connects us to the holy.

We say FEMME LOVE

We say FEMME LOVE HEAL

We say FEMME LOVE HEAL WORLD

There is no limit to our queer femme pervert power.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

 

 

 

 

Femme Friday — Bevin Branlandingham, Queer Fat Femme, The Queer Fat Femme Guide to Life

As Femmecee and Femme Shark at QueerFatFemme.com, Bevin uses her blog to “chronicle the relentless pursuit of my joy.” She continues, “I believe all bodies are good bodies and work to make the world safe for people to love themselves.” She offers workshops such as “Drag for all Genders”, “Nobody Ever Died of Awkward” and will work with you or your organization to customize something just for you. She speaks on topics from LGBT family planning to real estate law; performs and teaches burlesque; teaches a dance aerobics class called Fat Kid Dance party (For All Sizes to Heal From Body Oppression); and has her own line of femme teas. Is there nothing this amazing femme can’t do??

Deep gratitude to Bevin for her love of all bodies, her sense of fun and community, and her amazing and generous femme outreach!

Get ready to dance at Fat Kid Dance Party!!!

(Don’t miss the part where she talks about not internalizing the “too muches”, including “too feminine”!)

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess.  I want to feature you! Email me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me feature your beautiful, unique, femme story!

Pingy-Dingy Wednesday — A Tribe Called Red

Coming up on what should be Indigenous People’s Day everywhere in the US, I’m feeling the music.

A Tribe Called Red, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for music that heals, teaches, honors real history and current events, inspires, and rocks so hard.

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

Published in: on September 27, 2017 at 9:04 AM  Leave a Comment  
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