Meditations for Queer Femmes – Nobody’s Business?

I recently took my elderly parents in for their 6-month check up at the wonderful geriatric practice we were lucky enough to find when they first moved here 4 years ago. Their doctor is a young, kind and patient fellow who we’ve all grown to like and trust. As we were cooing over the pictures of his kids, a new baby and an adorable toddler, he let us know that he and his family would be moving this winter to be closer to his siblings and their families. Innocently, I asked if his wife’s work was portable or if she’d have to look for a new job.

“My partner works for the V.A.,” he replied. “So he’ll be able to find work easily.”

Should I have known better than to assume he was straight? Of course, and I apologized. But then, from the depths of my being, these words came flying out of my mouth: “You’re only just now coming out to me? I hate you!!”

Obviously, I don’t hate him. He’s been a really good doctor to my parents, helping us as all kinds of things went down. We will really miss him. And, I really could have used his queer company from day one. It would have been incredibly comforting to have a queer little brother as I navigated my mother’s depression and anxiety, my father’s dementia and various physical ailments – all the stuff that comes with being the caretaker of old folks.

This young doctor couldn’t have known the particulars of my life when we first met, that I’d recently had my heart broken and had to leave a UU church after several years when I finally realized the “Welcoming Congregation” promise was just flashing lights and mirrors and that this could never be a safe spiritual home for me. He couldn’t have known that I’d been soundly rebuffed in my efforts to find a queer support group for caregivers when, at the last minute, straight people were allowed to join “but they’re fine with gay people!”. He couldn’t have known all that, but he might have understood that being out to me would have comforted and supported me, made me – and my parents — feel less alone.

After I told the story about our doctor to my femme sis Liz, she remarked that she’s never understood the whole “it’s nobody’s business” thing, and I know what she means. If you’re in danger, you have to protect yourself, of course. But to be closeted at a groovy Cambridge, MA hospital to a flaming femme who is obviously a caring and conscientious person… Why? Not to mention how reassuring his presence as a queer doctor would surely have been to queer elders, their families, allies, the staff – his influence could have been huge as well as being a huge part of his healing work as a medical person.

It seems to me there can be this idea that if you know I’m queer you can suck out my soul or something, like you know my real name, like I’m Rumplestiltskin with his fatal flaw. That if you know I’m queer, you’ll be able to control me. Is being queer shameful? Will people be able to manipulate and use you if they know?

Just as our doctor doesn’t know my personal details, I don’t know his, so I have to assume he did the best he could with what information he had, and that his reasons for being closeted were important and compelling for him and his family. But I’m still so sad.

Driving home that day, I contemplated writing our doctor a letter detailing some of the things I’ve talked about here, urging him to see “Gen Silent”, etc., but have decided against it. I really don’t think he’ll forget my honest, heartfelt and heart-hurt reaction any time soon, and it’s certainly none of my business how he continues on with his medical career.

But darlings, if you can, if you are able, if it’s safe for you, please come out! Spread queer femme light and love! Be there for each other, for family and for family and beyond. Allow the starburst of your queer femme magic to radiate out and out and out.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on September 24, 2018 at 8:41 AM  Comments (2)  
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Femme Friday – Annah Anti-Palindrome

Funny thing – you go on the internet to research femmes, and things can get very slippery. You see someone somewhere who has written about femmes or being femme, and then you track them down and their website says nothing at all about being femme. It’s very odd! Not so with Anna Anti-Palindrome, whose work I first encountered in Everyday Feminism, where she pairs up with Rhea Ewing for a very thorough discussion of femme in “11 Common Assumptions About Being a Queer Femme – Debunked”.

When I went to Annah’s website, there it was: “Annah Anti-Palindrome is a Bay-Area based musician/Optical Sound-Smith, writer & working-class, Jew Witch hard-femme (italics mine) currently living in Oakland.”

Deep gratitude to Annah for being an out femme, for her heart-breaking, haunting art, and for making me laugh and think hard about my own palindromic name!

https://www.annahantipalindrome.com/music

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story! New Femme Friday feature for fall 2018: Books from which queer femmes can draw inspiration. What are your trusted sources of light and love? Please share!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on September 21, 2018 at 6:00 PM  Comments (3)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Femme Dream, Curve, Yel, and Esther Newton’s My Butch Career reviewed by Victoria A. Brownworth

The night before I got the latest issue of Curve* and saw Victoria A. Brownworth’s loving review of Esther Newton’s memoir, I had what seems to me to be a particularly femme dream. I was standing on the banks of a fast flowing stream, watching in awe as many, many butch cocks floated by, glorious, in all colors and shapes, some hard and some soft.

The next day, as I read my Curve, I was treated to a picture of rapper/musician, Yel, who looks to me to be packing, along with the write-up of My Butch Career. Can I get a “Hell, yeah!!!” ?

Curve, you get one pingy-dingy! Thanks for still putting out a paper version of your magazine, and thanks to Yel, Victoria, and Esther for doing what you do! Oh, and I am sending out so much love to all the dick-cravin’ (craven?) femmes out there, and to the butches who satisfy.

Her Butch Career

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

*Anyone remember what Curve used to be called?

 

Published in: on September 19, 2018 at 4:11 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes – Your Family Heirloom

We queers have such complicated relationships with our families. There’s full-on rejection, full-on idealization and “I’ll do anything to keep the love” and everything in-between. I’m talking about families across the board here, of origin and chosen. How many of us queer femmes dated boys and men because our families of origin expected it? How many of us queer femmes de-girlied ourselves when we (finally) came out because our new queer family expected it? Then one day, if we’re lucky, another dyke tells us she likes it when we wear lipstick. Maybe we have enough courage to tell her we like it when she wears lipstick, too, or we buy her a tie for her birthday “just for fun” and shit gets way more real all of a sudden. Or we might realize our single aunt, the one who moved away to a big city or to a remote farm and who has always been spoken of with scorn or pity or both, is actually twice family and has a rich and rewarding life. Information about her real life may have been unavailable to us as children, but it is waiting for us now if we just reach out.

Humans love knowing where we come from, where certain traits, tendencies, gifts and hurdles might have their origin. Who in our families (all our families) might have worked out a thing or two concerning life’s great questions.

I started thinking about family heirlooms after reading a passage by Chögyam Trungpa in his book, Crazy Wisdom. The passage is about hopelessness, which I think ends up actually being about hope, or anyway, about accepting that life can be really hard right at the same time that it is full of sweetness and wonder. In Al-Anon, they talk about “the gift of desperation” that brings someone to this under-the-radar (at least it was for me) spiritual program. And it’s true, because as much as I hate alcoholism and addiction and how they’ve hurt so many people I love including myself, I’m incredibly grateful that I’m learning to stop spending all my time drilling down on the negatives and being miserable. Instead, I’m finding the strength, support and love to be able recalibrate and refocus. Human experience is big. There are so many ways of being in the world.

Our family heirlooms – because there are so many once we direct our attention there – are solid reminders of our humanity in all its rainbow glory. I remember and draw sustenance from the way my Gramps took care of kids in his rural school district during the Depression, feeding them from his garden, buying one young man a suit so he could graduate high school with dignity; from the cheerful example of Grandmimi, who lit up her small Iowa town organizing and including and fully participating in just about everything; how my parents quietly reached out to neighbors and taught me that one little act of kindness and community ripples outward; how John Preston and Joan Nestle got together to edit Sister and Brother: Lesbians and Gay Men Write About Their Lives Together and model deep queer community by linking their disparate queer worlds; by the way Lee Lynch lovingly wrote and wrote and wrote and continues to write about butches and femmes; how so many queers over the ages managed to leave us their priceless stories – a few who have touched my life over the years (there are so many!): Miss Ann Lister, Quentin Crisp, Anonymous, Amber Hollibaugh, Audre Lourde, Minnie Bruce Pratt, Leslie Feinberg, Richard Rodriguez, Felice Picano, Chrystos, Mary Renault, Tove Jansson, Becky Birtha, Mark Merlis, Samuel Steward, Gertrude Stein, Alice B. Toklas, James Baldwin, and I could go on for pages…

I am bolstered and inspired in who I am and who I strive to by these many, many family heirlooms.

Dear queer femme sisters, spend a moment today in gratitude for your families and what they have bequeathed to you.

 

The passage that inspired this Meditation:

Student: When you talk about hopelessness, the whole thing seems totally depressing. And it seems you could very well be overwhelmed by that depression to the point where you just retreat into a shell or insanity.

 Trungpa Rinpoche: It’s up to you. It’s completely up to you. That’s the whole point.

 S: Is there anything –

 TR: You see, the whole point is that I’m not manufacturing an absolute model of hopelessness with complete and delicately worked-out patterns of all kinds, presenting it to you, and asking you to work on that. Your goodness, your hopelessness, is the only model there is. If I manufactured something, it would be just a trick, unrealistic. Rather, it’s your hopelessness, it’s your world, your family heirloom, your inheritance. That hopelessness comes in your existence, your psychology. It’s a matter of bringing it out as it is. But it’s still hopeless. As hopeful as you might try to make it, it’s still hopeless, and I can’t reshape it, remodel it, or refinish it at all. It’s not like a political candidate going on television, where people powder his face and put lipstick on his mouth to make him presentable. One cannot do that. In this case it’s hopeless; it’s absolutely hopeless. You have to do it in your own way.

–Crazy Wisdom by Chögyam Trungpa, Shambhala, 2001

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Femme Friday – Liz Nania is a Femme Artist!

Way back in the day, some of us femmes did a thread called “Femme Pussy” on butchfemme.com – whee, that was fun! As a wordy and nerdy femme, I love thinking about and discussing language, meaning, and of course, pussy, what’s not to enjoy? I think a lot about how my identity – so long in the making and discovering and building – influences my writing, and have enjoyed discussions about femme and art with other femme artists. I am so thrilled to welcome my sweet femme sis, Liz Nania, back to The Total Femme, to showcase her sexy, gorgeous art, and to hear from her about being a femme artist.

Deep gratitude to Liz for her so-fucking-femme art!

Femme Art by Liz Nania

Does femme art exist? I’m a painter and a textile artist, and a femme lesbian. So, is my art “femme art?” Definitely. It’s also feminist art, lesbian and queer art, and art by a woman artist.  I’ve never been one to shy away from labels; representation is important! I wish more artists from marginalized groups would share their identities as they share their art and music and writing and performing, and I’m still surprised that so few do. I know it’s risky. But so is being an artist!

Much of my painting is abstract, but I do create some representational work, too. My art explores love, time, celebration, being a woman and a lesbian, social commentary, and other things dear to my heart. And my textile art is unapologetically feminine; it’s even more girly than I am!

The most flaming femme piece I ever made is “Femme Flag”, a rainbow flag sewn from printed fabric, lace, my lingerie, remnants of my clothing, a piece of embroidery from The Total Femme’s aunt, and the waistband of my husbutch’s jeans painted gold. “Femme Flag” is an unabashed celebration and symbol of femme lesbian pride and identity. Then there’s “Blue is for Butch”, a piece created primarily from my butch’s clothing. The focal point is a metallic gold sun, one of the primary symbols I use for her in my imagery. Under the sun I stitched a dangling fringe of keys. (For the record, I made this piece before the wonderful Ring of Keys song was written. For decades, many a femme has salivated like Pavlov’s dog at the sound of butch keys jingling from a belt loop, and I’m no different!) So, art made by a femme in tribute to her butch? Definitely femme art!

“Fun In The Closet” is a tongue-in-cheek textile exploration of lesbian desire in the 1950s. Among the winding vines and flowers embroidered on a vintage bureau scarf, lurid lesbian pulp fiction novels are hidden; an embroidered swirling current of energy roils up the floral smokescreen. I imagine some well-worn lezzie pulp novels hidden in many a closeted women’s bureau drawer, perhaps under the “unmentionables”.

I also created a series of paintings meant to be shown together, the Butch Series. It consists of 12 drawings on encaustic wax on birch panels, with added gold leaf and a little pigment, describing and worshipping the beauty of female masculinity, as modeled by my wife through her butchly body language. The world hasn’t caught on to the magnificence, and often even the existence, of butch women, so I thought I would help it along.


I’m proud to call these works femme art, feminist art, lesbian art, and women’s work. Any artists care to join me? Come out, come out, wherever you are! Why not be the change you wish to see?

See more of Liz Nania’s work: www.liznania.com, and on Instagram at liz_nania_art.   

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story! New Femme Friday feature for fall 2018: Books from which queer femmes can draw inspiration. What are your trusted sources of light and love? Please share!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

 

Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – The Ladybroad Ledger

We are just back from a mellow and marvelous week in Vermont, where Tex and I were blessed with Lake Champlain energy, rural energy, and lots and lots of love at the sweet wedding of one dear young man I’ve known and adored since he was barely out of toddlerhood. It was good; very, very good!

My fearless and loyal readers will not be surprised to learn that I am a total sucker for free local lit, so I picked up all that was on offer at a Burlington coffee shop. Would you believe that Vermont has a Femme Alt Comics Newspaper? It’s true! What is also true is that I’m not sure they are using femme exactly and the same way that I personally use femme, but heck, there is so much room in this big sweet world, contrary to what some scared and small-minded folks will have you believe. Up with femmes! Up with comics!

Thank you, darling femmes at The Ladybroad Ledger! You get one pingy-dingy!

http://ladybroadledger.com/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Femme Friday – Moon Eaters, a zine edited by Lily Xie, Crystal Bi Wegner, and Ailin Lu in Somerville, MA

The other day whilst batting about in Davis Square, I was lucky enough to pick up an issue of Scout Somerville in which there is an article about a new zine, Moon Eaters. The zine is “at the intersection of Asian Pacific Islander American (APIA) and femme identities” and the first issue was released in June. The Scout Somerville article includes an interview with Moon Eaters editors, Lily Xie, Crystal Bi Wegner, and Ailin Lu.

“I feel like not seeing people who share something with you, it’s this loneliness,” says Lily in the interview. “It’s really hard to create your identity in a vacuum – you really latch onto whatever you can. There’s queer media and there’s APIA media, and there’s not a lot that is both, so you start to cobble together this mosaic of different pieces of your identity from these different worlds, but there’s a lot of things that conflict. So it’s sometimes confusing, there’s tension there. So having something that encompasses both of those worlds makes me feel a little less lonely.”

I haven’t managed to get an issue of Moon Eaters yet, but this old queer femme zinester from the 90s just can’t wait!

Deep gratitude to Lily, Crystal and Ailin for their essential and healing work, for their generosity, their art, their creativity and queer femme brilliance; for their discussion about amateur wisdom and about identifying red flags when someone might be trying to take advantage of your identity and for not being afraid of the challenge to talk about all of it.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

 

Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Local Wildlife Haven

Kathleen Delany-Adams, my sweet femme sister down in Atlanta, just got her yard certified as a Wildlife Habitat by the National Wildlife Federation. She says it took three years, but it’s more than worth it. They have 11 different feeding stations for various creatures, five bird baths, including one for bees, and to top it all off, their yard is also a certified monarch way station!

Thank you, Kathleen, you fierce femme critter lover. You fucking rock!

We, too, can aspire to offering solace to pollinators and local wildlife:

https://www.nwf.org/Garden-For-Wildlife/Certify.aspx

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Meditations for Queer Femmes – Sanctuary of Empathy

After an Al-Anon meeting recently, I found myself rather forcefully welcoming a newcomer. On the one hand, I remember being a newcomer and I wanted her to feel seen and heard. On the other hand, I was a hot mess myself that day, and really didn’t have anything at all to give. I watched, not able to stop myself, as I went into my caretaker role, going overboard on giving her information, not grounded in my body, my energy jitzy and floating. The problem isn’t that I’m not a good caretaker, because I am; the problem was not knowing that right then, I had nothing to give and it would have been a better welcome for her if I’d just smiled and gone on my way. The truth was, I needed caretaking myself, which is why I was at a meeting.

I’ve always prided myself on being a good friend. As an only child, I became skilled at being friends with all kinds of people, even with kids who didn’t like each other but who were friends with me. I saw myself as a good listener, a problem solver, a wise advice giver. If I couldn’t have siblings, at least I could attract people to me who might fill that void.

As a grown-up queer femme, I retain many of those same ideas about myself and work hard to make queer community – this blog included. My heart’s desire is to be able to be here for every queer who is hurting, who needs company, who feels alone. But I can go so far down the line of being understanding and sympathetic that I forget to pay attention to myself and my own needs. I get off on being the one everyone can depend on…until I tank, which inevitably happens, and then I’m left without much resource, since I’ve trained my friends and colleagues to believe that I’m all good and don’t need a hand.

We all need a hand.

In her brilliant book, The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, Sonya Renee Taylor says, “It is through our own transformed relationship with our bodies that we become champions for other bodies on our planet.” I must continue to transform my relationship with my body, my heart, my desires, my energy – all of it. If I am not right with myself – starting with my precious and beautiful body – I am not going to be able to do much for you, at least not something that includes the dimension of justice, which is what all loving relationships must possess in order to thrive and bring more love into the world. I can never offer you the sanctuary of empathy, no matter how much I long to do so, if I have not built it up around myself.

For about two years, every day, I read Swami Paramananda’s Book of Daily Thoughts and Prayers. It was a great exercise in my spiritual search for teachers and wisdom, and I learned so much. Although in the end I realized that the Swami’s path is not for me, I retain gratitude for his work and I absolutely love some of his prayers, many of which were of huge comfort to me during some very dark nights.

Sweet femme sisters, take care of yourselves. Seek wisdom with an open heart, seek support with humility. I know you love your families, your butches, your sweethearts, your babies and your friends and colleagues. But don’t run yourselves down until you have nothing left. Don’t forget that they love you, as well, if you will let them. Make room for them to show you that love. Ask for that love. Ask for support. Allow yourself to rest. Be good and loving to yourselves.

That is how our sacred femme work begins.

Oh Thou Effulgent Spirit,

Shed Thy radiance on my heart and mind

Fill my being with Thy divine light

That it may shine in all my thoughts and actions

And bring brightness in other lives

Surround me with Thy protecting love and Thy abiding peace

–Swami Paramananda, the reading for March 20 in Book of Daily Thoughts and

            Prayers, Sri Ramakrishna Math, Mylapore, 1977

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Femme Friday – Julia at Femme on a Mission

For a brief period back in 2011, Julia at Femme on a Mission: Changing the World In My Best High Heels produced a beautiful blog with fantastic posts on Pretty Ladies, Femme Theory and Femme Fashion. “The goal of this site is to increase femme visibility,” she writes, “while fostering understanding and acceptance of all identities, genders, and sexual orientations. Beyond this, I also hope to fight back against the current of media and misogyny that traps women into believing that femininity is weakness, when in fact it can be a source of great strength.”

Right the fuck on!!

You, dear femme reader, perhaps know that my internet search skills are next to nil, but it looks like now Julia is on tumblr here, and that she is a graphic designer who spends a lot of time simming. Being a simmer. Something I know little to nothing about, although I have a vague idea. At any rate, we femmes are everywhere, is more to the point, and when we are out and proud, all worlds benefit.

Deep gratitude to Julia for her femme-tastic and lovely blog, and for her current work, which is very sweet and ever so queer!

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)