Back in the day, on butch-femme.com, there were lots of conversations in the threads about the exact nature of femmes, and I know the conversation continues today in many other venues. There are high femmes and low femmes and everything inbetween. People get grumpy and split a lot of hairs; people also laugh at themselves and become more at ease as they talk about their identity, often evolving, often surprising.
When I first came out to myself as a femme, I spent a lot of time agonizing over whether or not I was “the right kind.” I knew I wasn’t a high femme, since the most makeup I ever do is lipstick and I’m a big fan of comfy clothes and shoes. My butch husband lovingly suggested “messy femme” since I’m not exactly the neatest person on earth. But really, lately I just feel like a total femme. Everything about me is femme, and I am femme on both my most frumpy and most fabulous days. I am femme when I’m cooking dinner for my family, and femme when I’m out in queer society.
I am definitely the right kind — at ease with myself, at ease in the world. Totally.
The Total Femme 
love your page. met you tonight. everything about you is spectacular.
Karyna, it was such a joy to meet you at the Dyke March last night! May your sweet and fierce femme self continue to bloom! Thank you for your kind words, and here’s to femme sisterhood across the generations! xottf