The Total Femme

Friday after school, I forced Seth* to go clothes shopping with me, as there were a couple of alarming items** I saw on his texts that I wanted to discuss (parent of teen hint #72: trap them in the car). So we discussed. He grunted, said, “I dunno,” and “No,” and “Muh.” I gesticulated and lectured and used big words that I had to define, which I guess I tend to do when somewhat agitated. Rather than blowing his top, as he is wont to do, he just got more and more…mellow. Slouched down in his seat, pretended great uninterest, gazed serenely out the window. And said mean things about how everyone at school hates lesbians and why do I have to be such a lesbian, and no offense, mom, I’m just saying, everyone hates lesbians. Which hurt my feelings and I wasn’t going to pretend that it didn’t, and  prompted me to go on a rant about how I live my life as an out queer and that means I’m true to myself.

Hurt my feelings, yes, but didn’t detract me from the main issues, which I persisted in coming back to. I think he was listening…

We went shopping and purchased numerous voluminous items of clothing (it hurts my husband’s dapper heart, bless her, that Seth goes around looking like a sloppy white homey).

On the way home, I asked Seth how he’s doing in general and what his plans are for himself. “My plans for myself?” he asked incredulously. “Yes,” I answered patiently. “Well, first I’m going to finish middle school,” he began. “Then I’m going to go to high school, graduate, go to a good college, become a professional baseball player, basketball player, and soccer player, retire, buy 3 mansions, and give a lot of money to charity, to Go Gays.”

“Who are they?!”

“They’re a charity I started.”

“With all the money you made playing sports?”

“Yep.”

You might not know it, but this constitutes a heartfelt and loving apology in the world of Seth.

I’ll take it!

*aka: “I’m 14, But Could You Please Treat Me Like I’m 24?”

**never you mind, but I’m sure you can imagine – as I said to Seth another time I trapped him in the car, “I know you’re dealing with many things including: drugs, sex, shoplifting, drinking, and fighting,” and I was right, too.