Femme Friday — tatiana and Aileen

As I mentioned last week, I recently received a beautiful gift from Aileen Ochoa, a dear friend of tatiana de la tierra, about whom I posted in 2017. Aileen sent these gorgeous photos and also agreed to write a guest post for Femme Friday, which is below.

Deep gratitude to Aileen for her love of tatiana, for sharing her memories, and for continuing to celebrate tatiana and keep her memory and art alive.

Tatiana was larger than life in so many ways.  From the moment I met her during her presentation at Miami Book Fair International I felt awestruck, inspired and full of admiration. As chance would have it, I helped her coordinate an event for Latina Lesbians that weekend and promised her that next time she was in Miami, I would organize a reading of her work at my home.  A few years passed and we kept in touch.  On one of her trips to Miami we went boating and swimming and played in the waves of the ocean as if we were part of a pod of mermaids.  I so treasure that memory.  I did keep my promise, and delivered a yard full of beautiful, bohemian women who also march to their own drumbeat.  The following Sunday was Mother’s day and I had a traditional luncheon which Tatiana and her mother attended.  We read “The Gift” and shared magical moments together.

After her passing, Tatiana’s mother sent me an envelope with the attached photos.  Tatiana wherever you are I celebrate you and will forever hold you ever so dear in my heart.

With so much Love,


Aileen Ochoa, was born and raised in Miami and has lived in Mexico and Texas. After completing her Bachelor’s Degree in Liberal Arts, she joined the US Army where she served in the Public Affairs Office writing, producing and hosting both a television and radio program. After obtaining her Master of Arts Degree in Communication from Barry University in 2000 and completing an internship at MTV Latino, she worked as the Coordinator of Community Affairs at Miami Dade College. She went on to create Communication by Design, where she did public relations and event marketing work for notable clients such as BMW, Chivas Regal, Audi, Art Basel, Miami Book Fair International and Miami International Film Festival. Aileen is currently a full time Professor of Communications at Miami Dade College and does theatrical production work for Romanza Lyric Opera, a non-profit, which she co-founded.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you (or your friend)! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story! If you’ve written a femme story or poem or song, oh, please let me post it!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through graduate school and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on March 26, 2021 at 1:36 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Friday – tatiana de la tierra again!!

This January I received a beautiful gift out of the blue: Aileen Ochoa (bio below) reached out to me about a previous Femme Friday. Way back in 2017, I blogged about tataniana de la tierra (1961-2012) who was a dear friend of Aileen’s. Aileen wanted to share a recording of tatiana reading the poem I quoted in the post, “Big Fat Pussy Girl.”  She also sent me photos and a letter from tatiana’s mother about her amazing daughter, which I am posting today – a bit of a jump on Mother’s Day, but I couldn’t wait! I will be posting more about tatiana in coming weeks, so get ready for some juicy, sexy, gorgeous Femme Fridays, my darlings!

Deep gratitude to Aileen for reaching out and sharing more about your dear friend. Deep gratitude and love to tatiana’s Mother, Fabiola, for her gorgeous, brave, heartfelt, and beautifully generous letter. Continued and utter gratitude to tatiana for her hot, beautiful, layered, fabulous writing!

The Gift: My Lesbian Daughter

by Fabiola Restrepo, tatiana de la tierra’s mom

(originally published in Spanish as “El regalo” in 1992 in the latina lesbian magazine esto no tiene nombre. Shared also in la Bloga.

Mother’s Day passed and left me thinking about the mothers and daughters who didn’t celebrate it. I think of the mother who let intolerance close her heart in pain and of the daughter who suffers from the rejection. I know the wall this mother builds is made of silence and fear and answers that are not accepted or searched for from within. I know this wall will separate her from her daughter to the end.

When my daughter’s umbilical cord was cut I was fortunate to understand that it was merely a physical separation and that what would unite us later, stronger than a band of fleshy fiber, would be love, mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance. When I found out that my daughter was a lesbian I felt confusion and pain. I knew this was more than a word or a way of. life. I knew how hard society is against this group of people. I knew they were discriminated against and even persecuted at times. I knew this because these attitudes are the ones that I had felt toward homosexuals all my life.

Little by little, without much desire but with great curiosity, I began to learn, to try to understand what it means to be a homosexual. I’ve only know my daughter’s lesbian world. She is a feminist who embraces woman-related issues, including history, submission, and subjugation. She even fights for women’s rights, including the right to abort, which I don’t agree with.

She was one of the editors of the latina lesbian magazines esto no tiene nombre and conmoción (published in Miami, 1990-1996). Her articles were controversial. She is atrevida, daring in the choice of her material. I don’t like some of the things she writes about, like sadomasochism. But I admire her style of writing. And I like her way of delving into irreverent themes, as she does in the poem “The Day I Learned to Pray” and her poem about women with beards. She even lets her own facial hair grow without shaving or bleaching it, which is something that people, including me, don’t like to see or read about.

In other words, we have differences between us, some of them deep. I am Christian, and she is pagan. She doesn’t accept God or Jesus. For me, Christianity is more than a belief. I life my religion. For me, a mother’s love is like God’s love, unconditional above all. I am proud of her and everything she has accomplished in her life, of what she is as a woman and as a person. She had the courage to step forward when many, out of fear, have stayed in the closet, and through esto no tiene nombre and conmoción she has supported her community.

My daughter was born on an early Sunday on Mother’s Day and God knows why she was given to me on such a special day. Since then I’ve been given fine, luxurious gifts, but none of them have every equaled her.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you (or your friend)! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story! If you’ve written a femme story or poem or song, oh, please let me post it!

Published in: on March 19, 2021 at 12:28 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Friday — tatiana de la tierra

tatania de la tierra came stomping into my life with her big femme feet through her essay, “A Latina Combat Femme, Her Shoes, and Ensuing Cultural Identity” in The Femme Mystique, edited by Lesléa Newman. When I went out internet questing to find her for a Femme Friday feature, I was devastated to learn that she crossed over the rainbow bridge in 2012.

Reading her friends’ testimonials, as well as perusing her work and writing, it is clear that tatiana’s queer life enriched the world immeasurably. Her fearlessness, sense of humor, sense of the sacred, her love of lesbians and lesbian sex, of her Latinx culture and soul, her generosity in sharing; tatiana, I didn’t know you, but I miss your presence here in this plane. RIP, dear tatiana. And I think we all know what the “P” stands for.

Deep gratitude to tatiana de la tierra – big fat pussy girls make the rockin’ queer world go round!

 Big Fat Pussy Girl


This is what happened.  Me, my cunt, and Margarita—that’s her name—we started getting intimate.  And Margarita would say stuff to me, like, Ay mami, que rica que tu eres.  And she’d be kissing on me and touching and swooning and I let her.  And she’d be exploring me with her questions and with her tongue and with her nose and with her fingertips and when her fingers finally got there, right there to my cunt, ahí, ahí, Margarita said, Papayona, mira esta papaya tan sabrosa que tienes…Papayona.

Papayona.  Big fat pussy.  She said it.  She named it.  I didn’t just have any pussy.  I had a big fat pussy.  And this was a good thing.  Papayona.  Bigger, softer, better.  Papayona.  Wider, deeper, wetter.  Panochota, 3X double-wide extra padded. Chochachona.  Big fat pussy. Queen-size cunt.  A whaler of a cunt, the cruise ship of cunts, the World Wide Web of cunts, the Cadillac of cunts, the castle of cunts, the eagle of cunts, the Jupiter of Cunts.  Papayona.  The Library of Congress of cunts.  Papayona.  The Disney World of Cunts.  Papayona.  The Sonora Matancera of Cunts.

Los invitamos a vivir emociones de otros  tiempos. Señoras y Señores, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have the immense pleasure of presenting to you the Dean of Cunts, the world-wide famous Sonora Papayona with original arrangements and the best digital sound, con ustedes, la Sonora Papayona, the grand orchestral pussy of the 21st century.

Pa-pa-pa-papayona, que ricura chingona
Pa-pa-pa-panochota, una tremenda nota
Cho-cho-cho-chocha chochona que niñita tan mona

Big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl

Got the fattest shiniest pearl
Got the deepest oiliest well
Got the sweetest lingering smell
Got the prettiest prettiest shell
Got the prettiest prettiest shell

Big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl
Big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl, big fat pussy girl

12 de agosto de 2001, 1:48 a.m., buffalo, nueva york

–Porcupine Love and Other Tales from My Papaya.  Buffalo:  Chibcha Press, 2005.  5.  Also recorded as:  “Big Fat Pussy Girl.”  Vagina Dialogues: A Queer Review. Compact disc recording. Hag Theatre, 2002.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com.