Meditations for Queer Femmes – All the Damn Parameters

We are all hemmed in. Even before the pandemic, we all functioned within parameters that shaped our days and lives. All the damn parameters! You want to step out into the fresh morning with the sun coming up and the birds singing, you want to take in that spring sustenance, but there isn’t time, you haven’t got a moment, the lists, the voices, the responsibilities, the guilt, the pull, the screen, the misery. Rushing on to the next thing and then the next.

People talked about how the pandemic slowed down their lives, but I haven’t experienced it that way. I’ve gotten more isolated and at the same time pushed around by the internet to where I feel like my time is just never my own. Add in health challenges – my own and those of members of my family including the pets – work challenges, the daily to and fro of living through these times and that constant technological bullying, even though it allows me to stay in grad school, stay in touch with folks. All the damn parameters! Where does the fun go? The spontaneity? What falls by the wayside.

Birdsong. The sweet smell of spring. Being present long enough to connect with the physical surroundings of the day as opposed to reaching, always reaching.

“Every day I ask myself, how am I going to have fun?” Tex told me that this morning. I was stressed and feeling the parameters pushing in on me because I had a wellness checkup with my oncologist and I was triggered and anxious. Fun? Hold on a moment – yes! Fun is something that strengthens the spirit and reminds you of who you are. Fun slows things down. Fun puts you back in connection with who you are and what’s at the heart of why we’re here. Fun gives the parameters a run for their money.

Sweethearts, I promise you, as soon as I’ve had a bit of a rest, I’m going to do something fun! Will you promise me that you will, too? Bust out today, lovers and holy ones! We are alive, some of us have had a successful telehealth appointment because our oncologist is nursing a pickle ball injury (may she heal fully and quickly; I am so grateful to her knowledge and skill and kindness), and all of us would benefit from a hearty shout of, “DAMN THE PARAMETERS!”

Heal yourself with some fun today!

(Don’t check your phone.)

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through graduate school and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.