Meditations for Queer Femmes — Be Soft, Be Sweet To Yourself

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE Dearest darlings, here we are, where we are in this tumbling, shimmying space and time and how are you feeling? How are you treating yourselves? Do you get very stern and strict with your every thought and move? I know I have that perfectionist tendency — like if I’m super hard one myself that will somehow make up for what I absolutely can do nothing about in the bigger-events-of-the-world realm. Anxiety ramps up. The horizons narrow. I just got off the phone with the hand surgeon, a lovely, confident, butchy dyke, and I am going to let her be the expert. Finally! For years, I’ve tried to control and contain my on-again off-again carpal tunnel, which is now, after tons and tons of typing, very, very much on on on. I’m going to let her help me, and until I get surgery, I am going to take pressure off of myself by limiting my typing to only the very essential — my schoolwork. Last week, I took a break from this blog because I was mourning my Dad. Starting this week, I’m going to take a break until my hands are healed, so that’s where I’ll be, healing and trying to be gentle with myself about all the ways my body has changed, the world has changed, opportunities have changed. Trying to wrap myself in love as I navigate those changes. Sugarplums, can you, too, be gentle with yourselves today? Where can you take a break — I mean in the that way you think about your responsibilities. Because it turns out that some of those responsibilities might just be tasks you pile on yourselves for padding or protection rather than necessities. And lightening the load might bring you space for unexpected joy. Something flung down by angels that you found because you stopped looking so hard elsewhere. Sisters, give yourselves space and light. Shift into a more healing space. Be soft, be sweet. I will see you there. Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I recover from treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.

Published in: on September 28, 2020 at 10:40 AM  Comments (2)  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes – Healthy

The other day, Tex reminded me that Bayer bought Monsanto recently. The stunning implications of this are that now one big corporation can handily sell you genetically modified foods that make you sick and then sell you drugs to “heal” you. The powers that be love to see us all sick, addicted, and isolated – it suits their purposes to a T. Oh, and those powers like us to feel completely overwhelmed, too, which is how I start to feel pretty much daily when I hear the latest disaster news, and there is a lot of disaster news. Not to mention my own human challenges with daily living, especially my 57-year old body and all it’s stuff – combinded together, as my children used to say when they were tots, all of those things weigh very heavily.

But wait, there’s help! If you just do enough research yourself online, then find an expert, and you spend enough time and money, there is bound to be a solution! For example, is your issue something to do with histamine? Gluten? SIBO? You can find untold numbers of quick fix stories on the internet: “Once I figured out my problem was X, I did A B and C, as dictated by NAME OF PERSON who is an expert and whose advice I followed and products I bought, and NOW I’M FINE!”

As someone who inevitably has all the symptoms described for all the different things that can be wrong, these kinds of stories hold a great deal of appeal. I have spent a lot of time chasing after different diagnoses and putting a lot of eggs in various health regime baskets, some of which were helpful and some of which did actual harm.

Our bodies and our health are not beloved by the mainstream. We are not seen and treasured by so many of those in the medical profession. We are baffling and perhaps even dangerous with our strange symptoms and “lifestyle choices”. We move from our small towns to larger cities in the hopes that we might find community and sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t. We track down doctors who are said to “get it”, and sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. We make it through another day. And another. How do we move in a healthy way towards being healthy? What does “healthy” even mean?

We are not separate from our bodies. Our wonderful, giant brains are part of our bodies. We don’t exist outside of ourselves. Our bodies are genius, always trying to heal, always moving towards balance. It’s all there inside us, if we can only still our thoughts enough to reunite ourselves with ourselves. When we are in health quandaries, is it possible that our own prayers and intuition might steer us in a better direction than endless hours on the internet (or that hours on the internet are better spent when following prayers and intuition)?

Poet Wendell Barry goes and lies down “where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds”*, 12-step members attend meetings and strive for progress not perfection, Buddhists work on equanimity and contacting inner tenderness, and you might sing or dance or say the prayer your Gramps taught you when you were only little and he was your shining star. We all need a nature/spirit connection, and the good news is that there are so many of them, all around us, always. We queer femmes have been wounded by organized religion, sure enough, but our spirituality is our own and it is housed within us. Only we know what it looks like and how deeply it comforts us.

Today, my spiritual femme sisters, sit quietly a moment and feel. Hear. Know. It’s there, your connection to connection, love, gratitude, sweetness. We cannot always live in harmony and joy with others or even ourselves, but we can return there, again and again until it becomes a habit, until our habit is to reach for calm, reach for our exact and exquisite place in the All, until we are us again, filled and empty and ready to heal.

*”The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Barry

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Published in: on February 25, 2019 at 9:58 AM  Leave a Comment  
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