Pingy Dingy Wednesday – Supaman, Acosia Red Elk and “Why”

Oh, let’s have some music! I adore Supaman, whose fabulous “Prayer Loop Song” is a favorite in our family. This gorgeous video for “Why” and the song itself are such a gift, and so inspiring.

Supaman and Acosia Red Elk, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for your incredible dancing, the beautiful song and for sending out the love, prayers and heart.

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)


Published in: on April 11, 2018 at 3:19 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes — Femme Pairings for Hard Times









Every Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday, even!), I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was a fabulous straight femme, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.


Meditation for Queer Femmes

A femme sits in meditation. Thoughts arise. According to the instruction, she’s to think, “Thinking,” and let the thoughts move on, as thoughts do. Nonetheless, her body tenses with anger. So many people lately have let her down. She knows relatives have voted for this new, hateful administration. Also, her social justice work for queer youth and community has been compromised by colleagues who have abruptly withdrawn. She knows why some of us need healing time, but she can’t help feel upset at those who have left the fight. Anger vies with compassion. Thinking. Breathe. Tears well up. Images of despair appear: the torture of queers past and present, of black and brown people, the destruction of culture, of lives; landscapes ruined by war, mining, fracking, drilling; polar bears struggling to survive, bees, butterflies, manatees, bats, orangutans and so many more; refugees trying to escape, drowning. More and more images come and the tears spill over. What can she do in the face of so much misery, so much history, so much hate? Thinking. Breathe. Now she moves on to contemplating her drug of choice: sugar. It would be great to have some candy just about now! What kind does she want the most? Thinking. Breathe.

When the timer goes off, the femme stretches and sighs. Will she ever get through those 20 minutes with even a modicum of a calm mind? Maybe not. Probably not, knowing her and her busy, busy brain. But she is more and more confident that those 20 minutes of meditation help her in ways she may not ever completely understand. She trusts this. Surely, she is now situated more solidly in her body, her queer body. With which she braves the world every single day. Her queer body taking up space, loving her butch, her babies, her parents, her friends and colleagues, and, as best she can, all of humanity. The whole wonderful world. Her queer body, strong enough, despite it all, to follow her queer soul and heart. To love and work and flame as she is meant to do.

Every Monday, I will offer a Meditation for queer femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was a fabulous straight femme, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.


Published in: on December 5, 2016 at 11:19 AM  Comments (2)  
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Holler Their Names

We have a history of remembering our dead by saying their names, holding them up and allowing them to rest in peace and power. The names of our people are stitched into the AIDS Quilt, chiseled on wall of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, listed in Holocaust museums, on the walls at Ellis Island and on WWI, WWII and other war memorials in cities and towns worldwide. The names of our beloved are reverently intoned on the Transgender Day of Remembrance, after Orlando, in “Hell You Talmabout” and so many more.

Keeping these unjust deaths in the forefront of our political consciousness and in our hearts is incredibly important.

On the heels of this election, I would also like to start holding up and hollering the names of women and girls (and the occasional queen!) who are inspiring us to remember connection and community; who are birthing revolution and delivering mercy; who keep us laughing, dancing, loving; who celebrate beauty with their art and lives; who help keep us grounded and taking care of business.

Please join in! Because we are not alone and we are everywhere, still loving right the fuck out loud.


(I’ve put a wee moniker by each person’s name, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg for these amazing folks!)


Nia Witherspoon – playwright, teacher, femme goddess

Kin4Life – “Black in AmeriKKKa”

Mahtowin Monroe – National Day of Mourning/United American Indians of New England

Jeannette Hawley – organizer, seamstress, writer, yoga babe, baker, femme goddess

Mel Goldsipe – organizer, activist, Arlington Human Rights Commission

Michelle Obama

Miel Rose – healer, artist, writer, femme goddess

Big Freedia – “Dangerous”

Samantha Sparks – recycling/environmental activist in Chile

Kate Clinton – lesbian comedienne

Milva McDonald – organizer, writer, blogger

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

Constance Clare-Newman – healer, dancer, organizer, femme goddess…

This is SOOOOO not the end of the list!!!!

Published in: on November 10, 2016 at 3:51 PM  Comments (1)  
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