Femme Friday – FEMME VACKAY!

Beloveds, you may have noticed the spotty Total Femme action lately…and that is because yours truly needs some serious femme down time. Happily, that is in the stars, as tomorrow Tex and I are winging our way to Taos to visit her family for a couple of weeks. I’m having such a good time deciding what books to carry with me and the right combo of layers to pack and that is about all the responsibility I can handle just about now… I plan to go offline and off into Femme Relaxation Zone, you bettcha!

So let this Friday’s post be a reminder to all of us sweet femme darlings to care for ourselves in little and big ways to ensure that we can keep showing up healthy and ready to rock.

Deep gratitude to every queer who models self-care and who blesses the world with their health and well-being!


and that includes self-love!

I love you all, and will see you in a few.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)



Published in: on July 6, 2018 at 9:25 AM  Comments (4)  
Tags: , , ,

Femme Friday — Roda from “Growing Self”

Roda’s beautiful photographs grace her luminous, optimistic and uplifting blog, Growing Self, and I am so thrilled to be featuring her today on Femme Friday! Below, she speaks from the heart about her journey to femme self-love and so much more.

Deep gratitude to Roda for sharing with us her sweet, generous femme love!

So often, I see women struggling with self-love.  If I could make one wish, it would be for all women to look in the mirror and love each and every ounce of what they see.  My goal, over the past 10 years, has been to embrace my intelligent, beautiful, and femme-self!

The moment you learn to Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself and Just Be You… is the moment you will blossom on the inside and out. These are the words I live by…these are the words that set me free…

It has taken me 45 years to truly learn to love my hippie, nature-loving, femme self.  It seems that when many of us look in the mirror, we strive for what we don’t have. Thicker hair. More muscles. A smaller waist. Clear skin.  The list goes on and on… We want our “packaging” to be perfect, yet this quest leaves us feeling empty and frustrated.

My journey of self-acceptance did not end with the discovery of my sexuality. I still had an entire drawer full of self-image issues to face and conquer. Slowly, one at a time, I learned to love my femme-self. I accepted the fact that I would always be 5 ’10” and wear a training bra! I accepted the fact that my numerous stretch marks and C-section scar, from the gifts of motherhood, would never go away.  I focused on joy and gratitude, which allowed me to heal on the inside.  When I met “Wifey”, I learned to accept love and share that love completely in return.   From that point on, my femme-self began to bloom…


I feel alive! I have learned to live in the moment. I know the true meaning of joy. I love my days tending to our farm, growing and raising healthy and clean food for our family and being there for my three adorable and hormonal teenagers. I am passionate about painting, photography and writing. I enjoy taking time to nurture my soul with creativity!

I learned a valuable lesson over the past 10 years. You must start with the inside first. Who are you? What brings you joy? What makes your eyes twinkle and your heart flutter? Live your life for today!  Embrace the simple moments.  As difficult as it may be, embrace your insecurities. Begin your work on the inside. Don’t be afraid to have an open and honest conversation with your femme-self.  Let yourself GROW.  If you struggle, I promise you, one day you will look in the mirror and say “I love you” and truly mean it.

As Always,

Love Yourself…Embrace Yourself…Just Be You…


Since Roda wrote this beautiful post, her sweet horse Velvet, pictured above, has cantered over the rainbow bridge. Golden light surround you both, Roda and Velvet! xottf 1/8/18

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Email me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me feature your beautiful, unique, femme story!

Published in: on September 22, 2017 at 1:36 PM  Comments (3)  
Tags: , ,