Meditations for Queer Femmes – Bailey

I just spent a few days in Provincetown, cat sitting my big orange-sherbet buddy, Bailey, and taking a bit of a retreat for myself. Every day, Bailey and I hung out, sometimes together on the couch, sometimes just sharing the house and passing each other in the hall. One of his moms taught him some tricks – a pandemic project – and I never got tired of asking him to give me five or circle, which he would willingly do for a cat treat, which he nibbled gently right from my fingers. We had a lovely, relaxing time together, and when his mom got home, she texted me that it seemed like he’d been at a spa all week.

That was Thursday. Friday, I got a call from her: Bailey caught a blood clot in his heart and had died that morning.

I didn’t know that Thursday would be the last time I would see this sweet cat. Tex and I have been cat sitting him for a couple of years, and I figured we’d get to keep doing so. But one never knows, one just never does. I am incredibly grateful that he and I had such a sweet time together, that his last few days were so mellow and cozy. For someone who is more often than not simply riddled with regrets, I have no regrets about those Provincetown days.

Because I was away from home, away from my usual responsibilities, I was pretty tuned in to my most genuine and generous self. I’ve been thinking about that. Do I do that for myself – give myself nice days? What if they were my last days? How can I connect to that generosity a little more reliably even with my usual responsibilities, with all the anxiety that often comes with them?

My charmers, my pets, my cuddly femme sisters, bask today in that connection to the right here and right now. Who brings light and love into your life? Where do you want to shine your heart energy? What helps you remember your very truly truly self? Even if it’s just for one bright moment, rest there today.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through graduate school and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on April 12, 2021 at 4:24 PM  Leave a Comment  
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