The Total Femme

For some of us, our lives are spreadsheet lives. We need meds at certain times, we’re on medical diets, full of complicated fractions and fractious complications. Our days are made up of shuffling the hours so we can get our PT our OT our meditation contemplation divination rumination and whichever the other props and supports we need to get up and running, all parsed out amongst our work, our caregiving of others, our jim jams and flim flams, and frustrations.

            Spreadsheet life. There it is, in all it’s excel glory. This, then that. Plod, plod

            A friend tells me that people who look at the sky for 20 minutes a day are happier and more satisfied.

            Put it on the spreadsheet.

            A saying popular when I was young: Stop the world, I want to get off!

            How to address that intense desire for peace when you’re on the spreadsheet treadmill and one false step will drag you down and through until you’re flattened and flapping?

            Damn, that wasn’t relaxing!

            Yes, sure, some days you can flip it and be grateful for all the everythings that are helping you stay upright and somekinda functioning.

            Wonderful spreadsheet!

            How grateful I am for your guidance and greatness!

            You help me live my super best life!

            Consider the alternative!

            Other days…

            At least, sweet boxed in maxed out beloved queer femme beloveds, we have each other.

            For me, today, it comes down to that.

            You are with me. One foot in front of the other, marching, skipping, dancing. Perfecting your low-FODMAP, low-sodium, high-calcium, no-gluten, vegan Mediterranean diet concoctions. Locating walker-friendly nature paths. Loving your service dogs and letting them love you. Managing the ever-evolving FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE technological supports and crashing through the medical mishegas.

            Some of you speak up and out and I love you.

            Some of you manifest strength differently, more privately, and I love you.

            I love all of you, with your queer femme energy, out there – OUT THERE! – sticking it to the spreadsheet day after day.

            And today, flawed and flammable, wondering about the joy and the future, two minutes, two days, two months from now, here we are together.

            My deepest admiration.

            My most femmecentric thanks.

            I couldn’t do it without you.  

Many a Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. Would you like to offer up a Meditation of your own? I would love that! Send it along to me at thetotatalfemme@gmail.com