The Total Femme

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 Yesterday I visited my mom on the memory care unit where she is currently spending her 90s. One of the new aides, probably in her late 20s, was telling me all about how much she loves vinyl, what a rebel she is for adoring the Stones, the Beatles, all the good ol’ rock and roll, baby.  When I was her age, lo these many decades ago, I loved vinyl, too, so so much. One time I gathered together all my singles, from the one-off and strange comedy disks to the top-40 songs to the latest New Wave deliciousness, and made a mix tape for a friend. I thought long and hard about the very best order. I spent hours recording and refining, and then decorating the cover. It was a masterpiece! I called it Survivors of the Close and Play. I guess meeting the vinyl-loving aide is why I woke up thinking about that mixtape this morning. And about the word “survivor.” There’s a lot of pink-ribbon hoo-ha about being a cancer survivor. Technically, I survived breast cancer, but I’ve never felt an affinity for that whole yay-brave-survivor deal. Not exactly sure why, but one thing, I think, is because I’d just as soon move on. Also, I don’t want cancer – something incredibly scary and life-threatening, something I didn’t choose — to be my identity or affect how people treat me.  That long-ago mix tape, though. That was a heartfelt expression of who I was, where I was, what I was thinking about, what I cared about. A love letter to the music and spoken word that had accompanied me and shaped me up until that point.  Now you, my rare and wonderful Side A and especially Side B femme rockers and rollers and poets and shouters, what have you survived? What does survival mean to you, the positive spin, the swirl, the skip?  Today take stock, sit for a moment listening to your past and to your own femme theme song.   We are, we are! Alive and thriving. Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. Would you like to offer up a Meditation of your own? I would love that! Send it along to me at thetotatalfemme@gmail.com.