The Total Femme

Pale purple, yellow and rust, ruffly white, vibrant blue, irises are blooming. My maternal grandmother loved irises, and a clutch that she gave us bloomed on our front lawn most of my childhood. Irises remind me of Grandma Daisy, of the way she saw beauty in the world, of the way she passed that beauty on. In her unsurpassed pie crusts. Her impeccable housekeeping. Her eye as she mixed all her own paints and kept her home clothed in turquoise and pink, her favorite colors. How she taught me to make spit curls in my hair, a talent left over from her days as the most beautiful girl in her county. She wasn’t an easy woman – just ask her surviving children – but she had her own unique connection to the lovely and that legacy lives on in me.

            As I mourn the passing of Urvashi Vaid and read about her legacy, I have been thinking about my own connection to the lovely. For me, that’s all about contributing to the creation, sustainability, and celebration of queer community. Right now, my promise to Urvashi, to myself, to my community, to the wide, wide world, is that I will refocus on and recommit to my queer writing, which is the gift I’ve been given and the gift I can give.

            My angels, my queer femme dragonflies, I am basking in your glory, in your gifts today. Shine the light on yourselves and remember your impact on all that is good and glorious today: the twirl of a skirt, the flicker of an eye, the mirth, the birth, the way you see. The definition of “gift” is boundless and without judgement: yours are shining, shining. I am bathed in that light and the world benefits.

            Be proud and loud and beautiful and bright, my treasures!

            I see.

I see you.

I see us.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. Would you like to offer up a Meditation of your own? I would love that! Send it along to me at thetotatalfemme@gmail.com.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.