Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – The National LGBTQ+ Women’s Community Survey

I’d picked up the little card promoting this survey at Womencrafts at some point, and it had been kicking around for months before I finally buckled down and took the survey. I knew Urvashi Vaid was involved in working on this effort, but this was before she died. I urge all readers of this blog to take the survey now, for yourself, for our community, in honor of Urvashi’s brilliant work. What is this survey, you ask? From the website:

We are everywhere — writing, teaching, organizing, creating, building fantastic businesses. And leading major initiatives – whether in the political arena, social justice movements, the arts, tech, academia, medicine or law,

And yet — we are also nowhere.

We are the punchline of endless jokes – our hopeless fashion, our overparenting, and our unfathomable sex lives. But, the hard truths of our lives – how we survive every day at the intersections of sexism, racism, ableism, homo-, bi-, queer- and transphobias – somehow these barely register in the public policy arena. This is often true even in our own LGBTQ+ movement spaces.

The concerns of LGBTQ+ women who partner with women are dismissed with the wave of a hand, and yet, what do gatekeepers and policy makers know about our lives?”

This survey is gathering information for the above and so many other reasons.  

And we go forward, in sisterhood and on fire. As the survey website says in their tribute to Urvashi, “We press forward with her commanding spirit at our back.”

Press forward, queer femme sweetnesses!

Take the survey!

https://www.lgbtqwomensurvey.org/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online. If you have a favorite, let me know and I’ll post it! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Meditations for Queer Femmes – Iris Season

Pale purple, yellow and rust, ruffly white, vibrant blue, irises are blooming. My maternal grandmother loved irises, and a clutch that she gave us bloomed on our front lawn most of my childhood. Irises remind me of Grandma Daisy, of the way she saw beauty in the world, of the way she passed that beauty on. In her unsurpassed pie crusts. Her impeccable housekeeping. Her eye as she mixed all her own paints and kept her home clothed in turquoise and pink, her favorite colors. How she taught me to make spit curls in my hair, a talent left over from her days as the most beautiful girl in her county. She wasn’t an easy woman – just ask her surviving children – but she had her own unique connection to the lovely and that legacy lives on in me.

            As I mourn the passing of Urvashi Vaid and read about her legacy, I have been thinking about my own connection to the lovely. For me, that’s all about contributing to the creation, sustainability, and celebration of queer community. Right now, my promise to Urvashi, to myself, to my community, to the wide, wide world, is that I will refocus on and recommit to my queer writing, which is the gift I’ve been given and the gift I can give.

            My angels, my queer femme dragonflies, I am basking in your glory, in your gifts today. Shine the light on yourselves and remember your impact on all that is good and glorious today: the twirl of a skirt, the flicker of an eye, the mirth, the birth, the way you see. The definition of “gift” is boundless and without judgement: yours are shining, shining. I am bathed in that light and the world benefits.

            Be proud and loud and beautiful and bright, my treasures!

            I see.

I see you.

I see us.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. Would you like to offer up a Meditation of your own? I would love that! Send it along to me at thetotatalfemme@gmail.com.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 23, 2022 at 11:36 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Friday – Goodbye, Urvashi. Goodbye, Beloved.

To my knowledge, Urvashi Vaid didn’t identify as femme, so that’s not what this Femme Friday is about. It’s about how Urvashi loved all queers so much that she did the millions of utterly astounding things that she did for us – and for the world — including writing the brilliant Virtual Equality: The Mainstreaming of Gay & Lesbian Liberation in 1995, being the executive director of the National LGBTQ Task Force, starting the first ever lesbian super PAC, LPAC, and just so much more fierce, amazing, generous work. Over the years I often saw her and her wife, Kate Clinton (oh, Kate, so much love!) around Provincetown, and one time attended their New Year’s bonfire at Herring Cove. I am weeping reading about her now. Here’s just one of the many accolades, from her alma mater, Northeastern:

“I know everyone uses ‘intersectionality.’ It’s become a buzzword and everyone talks about it, but the reality is that years before it was even a word, that’s just the way Urvashi operated,” Cathy Renna, communication director for the National LGBTQ Task Force, said. “She knew, in that uncompromising way that she always did, that that’s how we needed to approach our work.

“She wasn’t ahead of the curve. She was the curve. She was the unstoppable force that made us bend.”

Deep gratitude, Urvashi. Inspiring us. Forever. Accompanying us. Forever. In our hearts. Forever.

From Virtual Equality – I just opened it at random. It’s all gold.

What are we seeking power to achieve? A liberation movement’s answer differs from the liberal politics of single-issue and gay rights that we currently espouse. A liberation movement seeks fundamental social change: we are for a just world in which racism, homophobia, sexism, economic injustice, and other systems of domination are frankly addressed and replaced with new models. Such a movement begins first of all with an act of faith that the movement and society are possible. Put another way, this faith in social change is what the theorist bell hooks has so elegantly termed “the power of disbelief.” We must disbelieve in the permanence of things as they are in order to believe in our ability to launch a new gay and lesbian liberation movement.   –pp236-8, Chapter Seven, Politics and Power.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femmelife! If you’ve written a femme story or poem or song, oh, please let me post it!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 20, 2022 at 12:05 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Sue Manning, and the Knitting Connection

I met Sue so far back in the day that the mists of time obscure indeed. In that much-earlier era, I was running an organization that gave away books (this was waaaay before Little Free Libraries, people), and she got in touch to see if I ever received donations of knitting books. I certainly did, and I started putting them aside for her and her excellent organization, so similar in design to my own, since I rescued and redistributed books, and she rescued and redistributed yarn (in the form of wonderful knitted things).

I was inspired and heartened to receive a call for donations and newsletter recently – a blast from the past, and a wonderful reminder of what can happen when you are following your heart to do something you love and believe in.

Thank you, Sue, and all the knitters at The Knitting Connection, for all the cozy you put back out into the world!

https://www.theknittingconnection.org/

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 18, 2022 at 8:44 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Sometimes On A Tuesday – Overheard at Our Nation’s Grocery Stores

Rounding the corner of the health food aisle at our town’s redoubtable Stop and Shop, rolling my cart along between the cheese display and the chip shelves, I drew up beside an older white man. He was bald, in shorts, wearing one white glove on his right hand. Just as I passed him, smiling politely under my mask, he said, softly but clearly, “I’m God’s chosen one and no one else matters.”

Sometimes On A… is inspired by the book Overheard At America’s Lunch Counters by Susan Catherine, Professional Eavesdropper, St. Martin’s Press, 1989, which contains, among so many others, the immortal overheard comment, “Pardon me if I’m wrong, but this isn’t my impression of a quality donut.” Have you overheard something delicious lately? Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and I’ll post it!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A…. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Christopher’s Food Reviews

Monday I had to take my increasingly mobility-challenged 90-year old mother to the doctor for a follow-up. It was hard in so many ways. Really hard getting her comfortable in the car. Really hard going from waiting room to waiting room. “Just have a seat!” we’d be told, and she would creakily, creakily, slowly, slowly, get seated, only to be told, “Doctor will see you now!” All told, it took four hours and several new gray hairs on both our parts to get through the whole thing. The good news is she’s doing just fine and is eligible for home visits from now on. The more difficult news is how knackered and shaken we both were at the end of it all.

A very dear young man, hospital staff, helped us out in the parking lot where construction had closed down the entrance I’d hoped to use and we had to walk a longer distance than I’d planned. When I thanked him and told him it had just been a hard day, he said, “How about a hug?”

A hug? From a sweet young stranger in the parking lot? When I was completely tapped and on the verge of tears? HELL YES!!!

Turns out Chris is a big foodie, does extensive research on restaurants all over the world, and will set you up with just the right spot for dining. I am currently waiting to get the right information on his service for you, given that an internet search turned up only this incredibly dear piece of history from a homeschooler out west. Stay tuned, though!

Thank you, Chris, for your warm and generous hug, for treating my mom with such sweetness, for your love of food, and your enthusiasm about matching folks up with restaurants that will delight them!

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Meditations for Queer Femmes – Good in an Emergency

I have always prided myself at being good in an emergency. An early memory of this skill is when I was around 10. A friend and I were doing a little dawn skinny dipping at the beach when we noticed a local man watching us creepily from the shore. Our clothes were near him and it was getting lighter by the moment. My friend panicked, but I immediately came up with a plan: we march determinedly out of the water, as quickly as we can, ignoring the stupid guy, snatch up our clothes and run. We did it and it worked. Thank goodness!

There’s something about an emergency that focuses my attention and calls on my problem-solving skills in a very satisfying manner. I almost kind of like it. Everything else falls away, there are no distractions, just the one thing to deal with. In a way, it’s easier to deal with an emergency than to parse through the increasingly baffling mega-ton of stimuli thrown my way during any dull day. I understand and sympathize with those folks who routinely manufacture emergencies, who crave that excitement and challenge. I wonder sometimes if I might be one of those folks myself.

In Al-Anon, I’ve learned that the only thing I can control is my own response to things. Lately, what with one thing and another, I’ve been observing myself as challenge after challenge pops up in my life. Health challenges, my own and those of others in my family; troubling and dangerous local and world events; relationship challenges, and it goes on and on. There are no shortage of challenges! In reaction to these, I can flare and run into the nearest phone booth to change into my super hero outfit (and very fetching it is, too!), feeding my ego and rushing to the rescue, or, maybe, I can try and be a bit more mindful. Disrupting quieter, more generative and soul-nurturing daily rhythms and activities such as tending to my art, keeping up with friends, taking quiet walks, meditating, reading (ok, I never stop reading, never mind that one), in short making sure that I keep weaving sweet threads of consistency rather than giving all my energy to a mindless drop and rush, rush and drop, serves me and those I love so much better.

Magical queer femme sugar plums, I know you see the suffering and that you, too, reach out to offer succor. Your healing presence in the world is beyond compare and brings so much relief. Today, though, my most excellent dears and darlings, spend one quivering butterfly-wing moment sinking down into the steady heartbeat of day after day after day, sun and moon and wind and rain. Earth abides and you abide here on her. Abide a while and reconnect to that immense calm.

That way, my hope for you and for me, is that after the emergency – and perhaps even during – we never lose sight of that immensity. We never completely lose ourselves.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Femme Friday – Kaylin Cervini and “Like a Girl”

It’s always a delicious surprise when a femme reaches out to me to share her story, her art, her femme self. Thank you, Kaylin! Your email made my day.

Kaylin Cervini is a singer-songwriter living in upstate New York. Although she’d been dating her girlfriend for about a year, not all friends or family members knew about it. On March 25, 2022, she came out to them and to the world through her release of “Like a Girl,” a love song to her girlfriend, to herself, and to all of us who find ourselves veering off from the path we’d thought we were following.

Kaylin’s lovely song reminds me how difficult and complicated it still is to come out, despite the increase of information and resource. When it comes down on you personally, that’s just a whole other thing, no matter how cool you thought you were with queerness. It still throws you into the unknown. I’m also reminded and heartened about the how art can convey layers and contradictions and a whole host of emotions so much more powerfully than a “hey guys, I’m gay!” announcement at a family dinner.

As Kaylin told me,

My music in general really allows me to open up and be vulnerable with people. Things I’m nervous to express verbally, I often do first in my music. I think it’s the best way to create music that is relatable and can truly make people feel something. I want my music to help people feel less alone in their emotions and experiences, to do this I have to keep it honest and real in my lyrics.

When I asked Kaylin about her relationship to femme, she said,

I‘m struggling to put my thoughts into words on what being a femme means to me. I’ve always felt very feminine even when I’ve chosen to dress more tomboyesque. I’ve always loved to wear makeup and put on an over-the-top dress. In my relationship I definitely typically present more feminine and my girlfriend is most definitely more masc presenting. However, internally I think we sort of equal out. I’ve not chosen a sexual identity, I don’t know if for me its as easy as saying lesbian or bi or even pan. I’ve only ever felt attracted to this one girl, which makes it hard for me to clarify even for myself. I’m just me, and happen to be a feminine girl dating another girl. 

I so appreciate Kaylin sharing her story, because the more we hear from each other and listen to each other, the more we can welcome each other in community. For me, it was clear from the moment I saw the cover of A Persistent Desire that I was a butch-loving femme, although it took much, much longer and much, much more heart and body travel to fully live that life. But, as Kaylin and I discussed, there are so many different and beautiful journeys. Kaylin again,

I just don’t think it’s always so exact. If I had to explain, my guess is that I’m a little bit on the asexual spectrum which makes things very confusing for me because I think I’m also a bit demi, needing the emotional base for sexuality especially when coming to females. However, I think I am sexually attracted to masculinity, and it’s easier for me to pin point what cis male I am sexuality attracted to. However part of this may be learned. Growing up watching heteronormative fairytales, and coming up with what is an esthetically picture perfect for me. Perhaps with a different outlook earlier on I could be attracted to a wider spectrum of people, perhaps I could be more pan. I think it’s extra hard to narrow down when I’m someone who also feels a bit on the asexual spectrum and feel it’s the demi emotional requirement that connected me with my gf. But it’s not something I am really likely to ever explore too much since I’m confident I’m with my forever person. I feel better about simply not choosing an identity rather than picking one I feel fits only partially. 

I so relate to the wistfulness of what would have happened if she, me, we, had had more knowledge of ourselves earlier on (ooooh, there would have been sooooo many more butches for me to get to know!!), but dang, at least we got there! And can live there, exploring, being thankful, sharing and caring for the rest of our lives.

I asked what Kaylin is working on now, and am excited to hear about her next project:

Right now I am working on recording new music! But what’s likely to come up next is a studio live version of my new song “Like A Girl.” I’m really excited about this because I’m bringing in a violinist and cello player. I haven’t actually announced it yet on social media but we will be airing the recording of this live on tiktok at the end of May, just in time for pride month. I think the studio live version is going to be really pretty and I’m super excited for this project. 

Deep gratitude to Kaylin for her open heart, her honesty and vulnerability, for her gorgeous song, including the Polly Pocket, and the backing chorus, so excellent! Welcome to the femme family, Kaylin!

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femmelife! If you’ve written a femme story or poem or song, oh, please let me post it!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 6, 2022 at 8:43 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Pingy-DingyWednesday – Artists Against Fascism

 

Living in the cushion of the suburbs, I can sometimes begin to feel that no one around me is paying attention or doing anything about the state of things. I know it’s not really true, but the day-to-day of dog walkers, school goers, bike riders, lawn mowers, joggers, commuters, etc., can really pull me into a lull. I’m so grateful for the ongoing actions of Artists Against Fascism to help me counteract the lull and remember and connect with others who know that art and positive change are so deeply linked.

Artists Against Fascism, you get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for your brilliance and dedication to art and community and sanity and love.

https://www.artistsagainstfascism.com/

From their website, the mission statement and a little history. A new broadcast is coming this month. Check it out!

“Artists Against Fascism is a collective of artists, activists, researchers, and community-builders who explore interdisciplinary and intersectional approaches to understanding and opposing fascism.

In the summer of 2017, a group of students, alumnx, and faculty from Vermont College of Fine Arts formed a research team called Artists Against Fascism. With members spread across the United States and Canada, we meet monthly online to support our collective study and interventions. The research group has organized a number of events and workshops on campus since 2017, and continues to create, research, and educate each other on the power of collective action.”

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) So that means that as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 4, 2022 at 9:33 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes – Regroup

Lately I keep using the word “regroup.”

“Let’s sit down and regroup,” I’ll say. Or, “After that, we can regroup and go from there.” “I just need a moment to regroup and I’ll be right with you.” Why am I so in love with this word lately?

When I was much younger, I was always talking about sitting my butt down and “getting my life in order.” I really thought I could do that – it was just a question of making a few lists and having the will power to follow through and everything would be smooth going, baby – but I am just that titch wiser now. I think my urge to regroup is related to my youthful desire for order, though. Coming at it a little differently. Now it’s less about imposing order and more about pausing, listening, learning, taking stock. Gathering the wherewithal, knowledge, and strength to carry on.

Middle age and beyond has brought a grand panoply of life. Sighs of exhaustion, frustration, ecstasy, wonder.

Met the love of your life but she lives two states away and you can’t move because of a custody agreement?

Regroup.

Family catastrophes involving kids, parents, spouse?

Regroup.

Cancer diagnosis and the ongoing aftermath?

Regroup.

Worldwide pandemic?

Regroup.

Regroup in order to calibrate the new information with the old steady me, that heartbeat of self that never dissipates, no matter how smallsmallsmall her voice becomes.

Owen, our 23-year old, is about to roll off to Japan, following his heart to a place he’s dreamed about living for years. He’ll be on his own for the first time in his life. We were talking last night about how exciting it is that he’ll be able to learn about himself in solitude, from small things like how he likes his kitchen arranged, to deep philosophical ideas and how he handles life with no interference from family or roommates. My wish for him is that he grows in his understanding of who he is and that that knowledge surrounds and carries him, through all the rigors and joys.

Regrouping for me is about touching in again to my knowledge of self.

All these things that have happened to, in, around, and about me: I know I’m still steady.

I know I’m still in there.

I just need a moment to regroup.

You, my queer femme posse, you busy, lively, lovely doers and goers and fixers and creators and lovers and believers, go there with me now:

pause and breathe

pause and close your eyes

pause and hear your unique and precious heartbeat

pause and regroup, my sweethearts,

because no matter what happens

your core of majestic femme, your wisdom

stays molten and alive.

Gather yourself.

Listen to that heartbeat.

Regroup.

And carry on.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.