Meditations for Queer Femmes – Where Am I In All This?

The pandemic took me in a lot of ways, but one of them was not cleaning out, sorting through, getting rid of accumulated stuff in the house. In fact, I probably brought home a few things that you chucked out onto the curb. A tasteful bag that says I LOVE IRELAND for example (I gave it to my son, Owen – he was ecstatic! — so maybe it doesn’t count?), as well as a couple of lovely old-fashioned soup bowls that we use almost every day (while you now have lots of space in your cupboard for your modern matching set).

This very morning, I walked by another clutch of temptation, the dregs of someone’s yard sale arranged attractively on the lawn. I stopped to browse, that old urge to rescue and find a fun use for surfacing most dreadfully. But I walked on by! Calmer thoughts prevailed, I am happy to say. I walked on by, bringing to mind how many things I have squirreled away in my own house, waiting to be discovered, rescued, found fun uses for. Even set out on the curb! Or otherwise redistributed. Is my zine collection from the 90s still ok up there under the eaves of the attic? Wouldn’t it be fun to flip through Rachel Pepper’s zine, Cunt? Or one of my old favorites, Office Supply Junkie? Ah, those were heady days! And given I haven’t crawled back there to look at them in, oh, 15 years at least, perhaps they could be moved on to a more appropriate and useful location? If the meeses haven’t gnawed them up for nesting material, that is. I could go up there now to find out! (Maybe later.)

No matter if you cleaned your abode down to the nubbin or if you’re still up to your eyeballs, you have your stuff around you, queer femme phoenixes, and it might have something to tell you. As we transition into whatever comes next (today is the Solstice, after all), what can you divest yourself of? What might you like to see again? What makes you sad, or happy, or deeply relaxed? Might you let one go, repair another, put the last on your alter or give to your friend who needs it because she’s going through a hard time?

We are always changing, ever moving, loving, living, breathing works of human beauty and wonder. I know however, that the space where I live is not always a reflection of that change, that movement, and I can feel very stuck, energy-wise. Today, darling ones, look around, really look. Breathe. Feel all parts of yourselves, inside and out. Ask yourself: Where am I in all this?

Proceed with all love and queer femme blessings.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through graduate school and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on June 21, 2021 at 11:13 AM  Leave a Comment