Meditations for Queer Femmes — First Hugs

Over the winter, I was outside with a friend’s 3-year old and for one brief moment I held her mittened hand as she jumped off a low wall. It was so automatic for both of us – she reached out, I reached out, we grabbed on and down she hopped.

That was it, though, for physical human contact outside of my (admittedly very cozy and yummy and cuddly) spouse, Tex.

And today, young people! A 4-month old baby! TREASURES!

Young friends are in town visiting family, darling folks whose wedding we attended and one of whom I’ve known since he was 4-years old. They made time to come hang out in our backyard this morning. Lucky us, we get to be family, too. The gift made so much more moving by the isolation suffered, the devastation witnessed, the overwhelm and dismay.

My first hugs in over a year. The incredible pleasure of holding that baby, letting her enthusiastically remove my mask (all adults are vaccinated – we decided it would be ok). Walking around with her, showing her Grandmother Rhododendron, who is blooming. Feeling her solid, wiggly, joyous little body in my arms.

I knew I missed hugs – it was so horrible and hard at the beginning of the pandemic – but I’d gotten used to the lack. Now I’m just weeping, from relief, I guess. From the loving touch of people who make up my people pack. Who have been in my history and will be in my future and who right here and now gathered me close and squeezed.

Buds and branches, blooms and biscuits, how I long to hold you and be held! Today, let’s celebrate the exquisite physicality of loving hugs and touches between humans who haven’t been able to express their human nature like this for over a year. Blessings on us as we slowly start to gather each other into our arms again.

Hugs to you, dear femme sisters. Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through graduate school and life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.

Published in: on May 24, 2021 at 10:47 AM  Leave a Comment  
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