The Total Femme

Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE Dearest darlings, here we are, where we are in this tumbling, shimmying space and time and how are you feeling? How are you treating yourselves? Do you get very stern and strict with your every thought and move? I know I have that perfectionist tendency — like if I’m super hard one myself that will somehow make up for what I absolutely can do nothing about in the bigger-events-of-the-world realm. Anxiety ramps up. The horizons narrow. I just got off the phone with the hand surgeon, a lovely, confident, butchy dyke, and I am going to let her be the expert. Finally! For years, I’ve tried to control and contain my on-again off-again carpal tunnel, which is now, after tons and tons of typing, very, very much on on on. I’m going to let her help me, and until I get surgery, I am going to take pressure off of myself by limiting my typing to only the very essential — my schoolwork. Last week, I took a break from this blog because I was mourning my Dad. Starting this week, I’m going to take a break until my hands are healed, so that’s where I’ll be, healing and trying to be gentle with myself about all the ways my body has changed, the world has changed, opportunities have changed. Trying to wrap myself in love as I navigate those changes. Sugarplums, can you, too, be gentle with yourselves today? Where can you take a break — I mean in the that way you think about your responsibilities. Because it turns out that some of those responsibilities might just be tasks you pile on yourselves for padding or protection rather than necessities. And lightening the load might bring you space for unexpected joy. Something flung down by angels that you found because you stopped looking so hard elsewhere. Sisters, give yourselves space and light. Shift into a more healing space. Be soft, be sweet. I will see you there. Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I recover from treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.