The Total Femme

Over the weekend, Tex and I decided to make curry. As she was looking up a recipe on the computer, I had a sudden memory of a couple I’d met sometime in the early 90s. One or both of them were professional cooks, and they proudly showed me their custom-made bookshelves that housed literally thousands of cook books. I wonder if they still have them?

Even if you were born with a cell phone clutched in your wee little fist, technology changes so quickly these days that even you are probably a bit dazed and confused on some level, all the time. And for those of us who grew up writing letters on actual paper, talking on the phone with an actual cord connecting it to the wall, researching things in actual books and journals, and looking up directions on an actual paper map, the contortions we’ve had to make over the years are monumental. For every older person who has taken to this ever-changing technology like a duck to water, there are countless numbers of the rest of us, who dread the word “upgrade” and whose ability to deal with today’s latest exciting online amenity is rapidly giving up the ghost.

I know, we’ve more or less gotten used to it. I remember figuring out email. I remember when you couldn’t get a person on the phone anymore. I remember travel agencies going out of business and libraries trashing card catalogues. Over and over, I had to roll with it. I got used to it, or rather, I complied, because there was no way of fighting it that wouldn’t rob my life of joy. There’s no point in getting frustrated – say, with this new editing tool thing I have to navigate on this very site just to post on my blog – but it does take its toll. And this weekend, remembering those people and their wealth of cookbooks, I had a moment where I realized how incredibly hard I work to deal with the technology that runs the world, every single day

When our younger son, Owen, was very small, he used to come up and give us affectionate pats, just cuz, just for love. Another toddler I knew used to say, with great generosity, “I so proud of you!!” Today, my darlings, my doves, give yourself a little credit. Take a moment to realize everything you do just in order to move through the world, do your job, watch that thing recommended on that site, talk to people, find out what’s going on. You are working so hard, dear sisters, so hard, even if that knowledge isn’t in the forefront of your consciousness and even if no one ever notices. Today, give yourself a loving pat, filled with the innocence and expansiveness of a little child. Acknowledge that hard work. Dearest dears, good work, good job. Be proud!

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…ifit’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I recover from treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.