The Total Femme

Today I went into the liquor store and picked up a 4-pack of hard cider, a cold and refreshing beverage I normally indulge in a few times a summer. Not last summer, when I was full-on doing chemo. Not earlier this summer because of being in quarantine and then later, not quite knowing how safe it was to head out given my still-compromised immune system. Lately, I’ve been venturing out a bit, though. And today, despite all the changes at the packy with the lines on the floor and the masks on the employees and the hand sanitizer at the door, going in there to buy cider felt normal. Indeed, that’s what a sign on the door said: Thank you for your patience as we adjust to the new normal.

All kinds of different things may constitute the new normal for you, my sparkling darlings. You may be taking care of an elderly family member, drawing on strengths and a gracious and creative patience you never knew you possessed. You may be connecting with your work in ways you never dreamed of. You may have lost work and found something else, moving through shifting emotions with awkwardness or cluelessness but coming through nonetheless. Your art may have morphed into something delightfully obtuse or huge or teeny weeny. You may have taken up an old hobby or delved into obscure corners of your psyche or reached out and found long-lost friends and relations. The new normal has so many directions for us.

We live in times where so much is becoming more visible. It used to be normal to have racist American Indian mascots, for instance. Normal for the majority of white people to dismiss white supremacy – to not even know what that was or how it serves and benefits white people and what kinds of destruction it wages in its rage and hatred. Normal to consume without thought of the effects of consumption; normal to take our life on earth for granted. But normal is not ignorance and ignoring and wanting everything to be ok. I think normal is less about what we got used to, often thoughtlessly, and more about finding a true and enduring connection to yourself, to reality, to how to live in love and faith and respect.

Every day is a new normal.

Luscious cupcakes, take a deep breath and breathe in the world. Feel your own precious essence. Think about how and when and why you feel your own best most grounded queer femme self. Think about when you feel the most normal. Promise me that you’ll find your way there every day. Close your eyes.

Find your way there now.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I recover from treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.