The Total Femme

This very early morning on my walk, I almost bypassed the park, thinking the grass would be too wet, but then I remembered there’s a whole fenceful of blooming honeysuckle so I backtracked. There was a catbird on the ground in front of me, a beautiful, sleek, grey lovely. It hopped and flew a little, but didn’t fly away. I followed. It hopped onto a rock at the entrance of the park. I followed. We continued until it did finally fly off, right over the magnificent honeysuckle. I stood smelling and listening. The honeysuckle was full of bees.

I have been roiling with grief and anger, sometimes unbearably. All my life, I have had these spells, but they’re so much more epic these days, or rather, what sets them roiling is so huge. I can’t argue myself out of them, I can’t bust out a toolbox and fix them (although I have many tools, collected over the years, that come in handy), I certainly can’t “be reasonable” – I just have to get through and to get through I sometimes need to sit and sometimes need to move.

Lovely queer femme sisters, you too have sorrows and we all have the sorrows of the wounded world. May you connect with her and with yourself as best you can today, even if it’s the teensiest of direction switch. She is in you and of you and around you. The moon is growing and the Solstice resonates and illuminates. May you be human today. May you be reminded.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I recover from treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.