The Total Femme

My mother tells the story of how, at the tender age of a mere year, I absolutely refused to continue taking naps. It was over, folks! I had shit I needed to take care of. Places to go! People to see! Apple juice to drink and goldfish to eat! I still hate taking naps. I mean, what a waste of time! I could be doing something!

Yesterday, case in point. Despite making all kinds of agreements with ourselves and with each other that we would rest and take it easy on Sundays, both my butch and I were quite busy. I mean, the schedule is all different these days anyway, and there were just a few little projects we both had going that needed tending to, it would just take a minute, oh, and then there was that one email to follow up on… We are both incorrigible, but, I’m happy to say, we did catch ourselves at some point, and then Tex went out and gardened, and I gave myself license to putter. Putter, as in, there’s no real goal or judgement hanging over you if you get something done or not. Putter, as in go ahead and drift from one nice little cozy project to the next, sitting down in-between with a cup of tea and a magazine. Putter, as in giving yourself time to just be, with yourself and in your space. Just leaning into the idea that you are exactly where you need to be, doing exactly what you should be doing. Yes, that kind of putter! Oof magouf, as a friend says. Now that was just the thing!

My dovelies, do you know how to relax? Do you ever take it down a notch, or even more than a notch? Can you give yourself the go-ahead to disengage the gears of your beautiful, brilliant, busy brains and let your heart and intuition lead?

Today, in the midst of it all, I wish for you a moment of pure putter. You will go back to your worldsaving and worldhealing the better for it. Everyone you love will thank you for it. I thank you. For your incredibly important work, the work you do every day, and the part where you turn all that love onto yourselves and just rest.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I undergo treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.