Queer Femmes Respond

A little over two weeks ago, I gave an Al-Anon friend a big squeeze after the meeting. Now that meeting is via technology, and that hug might be the last one for a very long time with anyone other than my butch husband. So hard to get my head around this! I miss physical contact with people! I’m just one of those touch-feely femmes…

But a friend of mine on the autism spectrum is loving all the video chatting – they say it’s such a relief not to have to look directly into someone’s eyes in order to talk and connect. Another friend says he’s cleaned the whole house and is making his way through his To Be Read pile, blowing the dust off as he goes.

No question that this whole thing is terrifying. But we can keep each other company, and I’m wondering what we can share with each other about how we’re getting through it.

One thing that’s positive for me is that I’m talking to my mom way more than I did before all this. She’s in an assisted living facility, and there are no visitors allowed. I call her every day, sometimes as many as three times, and it’s very comforting to hear the blow by blow of what’s going on there for her as she fields all the changes in routine. I can also tell how comforting it is for her to hear my voice, even if we just run over the same territory we ran over the last time I called. It helps both of us be present and be accepting of the present.

Sweetest scrumptious darlings, what are you doing these every days? What is making you smile and helping you carry on? How are you managing? Call in! I want to hear your dear voices.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story! If you’ve written a femme story or poem or song, oh, please let me post it! New Femme Friday feature starting spring 2020: Queer Femmes Respond. Are you reading more poetry? Are you navigating various technologies in order to see your folx and not be so isolated? Are you still going out to work? Are you able to get out for walks? Who’s home with you? We queer femmes are meeting these unsettling times with queer femme panache, and I want to hear about it! Along the lines of the Corona Letters over at the Sewanee Review, please send in what you’re doing, how you’re staying centered and sane! Write me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com with questions or ideas or a full-on post (with bio, if possible)!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I undergo treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.

 

Published in: on March 27, 2020 at 3:10 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Homeschooling, No Problem!

Darlings, perhaps your wee sprites are home with you? Perhaps they are not even so wee? Does the word “homeschooling” make you want to run away run away? Please don’t panic! Here are some good and kind words to help you settle in and settle down.

A Potluck Life and Advocates for Homeschooling in Massachusetts, Inc., you each get one pingy-dingy! Thank you for your wise counsel, your love of and respect for kids and parents, and your great, big, generous hearts! I love you!

https://apotlucklife.com/2020/03/15/homeschooling-during-covid-19-dont-worry/

https://www.ahem.info/news-archives/2020/20200316_covid_19.html

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I undergo treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.

Meditations for Queer Femmes — Gentle Homo! Gentle Fem!

Right now things are fucking terrifying, but we are not alone, sweetest darlings.

This morning on my walk, I came across three heartening communications from people in the neighborhood: 2 driveways filled with chalk art saying things like HOPE! LOVE! IT WILL BE OK! DON’T FORGET TO SMILE…AND WASH YOUR HANDS! and then some community-minded wag had pinned a joke to their fence (“What did the hurricane say to the island? I’ve got my eye on you!”).

Strangers are sending us love.

The library is closed, along with all the books I had on hold to be read for my MFA program, so I am reading books from my childhood. Some of them I read to my own kids, but some of them I haven’t read for almost 50 years. Right now I’m about half way through Andre Norton’s science fiction novel Catseye, published in 1961, and the most delightful discovery! Back then, ol’ Andre came up with a really cool couple of honorifics that the people in that far-away futuristic world use: Gentle Homo and Gentle Fem. I hope this information brightens your day as much as it did mine!

I am sending you love.

It is with so much gratitude that I am witnessing the support and sharing of resource from so many people. There is clearly a great desire to help each other and give each other hope. Dear sweet sisters, don’t forget our own inner femme core of strength, either, as that is perhaps our greatest resource. We can turn inward, not to isolate or shut down, but to find succor in our own brilliance and long life of queer magic. It might be a memory from childhood. It might be something you set down earlier but now pick up again, like baking or tie-dying or gardening. Reach out to each other, but also reach out to yourself. Remember who you are and what you have.

You are centered in love and filled with love.

Love,

The Total Femme xoxo

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) As I undergo treatment for breast cancer, however, I’m just going to post whenever I can manage.