Meditations for Queer Femmes – OTL

I once had a student from Korea who was in the States for high school. One day, when I got to his house and asked him how he was doing, he said very dramatically, “I am OTL!!”

“Excuse me?”

“O! T! L!” To his great amazement, I had absolutely no idea what he meant. He

had to draw it for me.

You draw it, too, for yourself right now: write OTL on a piece of paper so that all the letters are touching. There! See? It looks like someone completely at the end of their strength, utterly given over to fatigue and barely crawling along.

I’d totally forgotten about OTL until recently when it floated back up into my consciousness. Darlings, your Total Femme is totally OTL! When I asked the oncology nurse about certain symptoms I’m having, she said they’re probably less from chemo et al. and more because I’m without doubt more tired than I’ve ever been in my entire life due to everything my body has had to get through since I was diagnosed with breast cancer last spring.

“And it’s almost December now!” a dear friend reminded me yesterday. With months to go until my last infusion next spring.

So, my turtle doves, I am going to put some things down for a bit, go to ground. Pay attention to health and hearth.

I’ll go ahead and scribble some bits and bobs to post when the energy and inspiration intersect, but for now, I’m going to release myself from the weekly schedule.

Your precious individual femme lives, your joy-filled and life-giving femme community and the beautiful queer love that you spread every single day live in my heart.

May you be safe, may you be happy, may you be kind to yourselves and may you accept yourselves and your lives just as they are.

I am right there with you.




Published in: on November 25, 2019 at 4:05 PM  Comments (4)  
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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh my dear Anna, I’m right there with you, too! This is so much! I’m sending you strength and peace. And love. And hugs.

  2. Gladly and gratefully accepted, dear Sis! Thank you!!! xottf

  3. Sending love and strength to you, Anna! It’s so important to conserve your energy any way you can. We can learn from each other, especially in dealing with such dark and difficult days. Thank you for sharing your spirited self! Hunker down and feel the love all around you.

  4. Many, many thanks, my dearest! I so appreciate the kind words. Love to you and yours! xottf

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