The Total Femme

The other day, I had a great morning of self care lined up: appointments with my chiropractor and acupuncturists, then my beloved Al-Anon meeting. What happened? I woke up with vertigo and made the difficult decision to cancel everything. I stayed home. I rested. When I started to feel better, I resisted the urge to hop up and start working on one of my many neglected projects. Or anyway, I tried to resist! We queer femmes can be very busy, and it’s hard to turn that shit off.

Self-reliance can skate extremely close to isolation. I know I can be extremely stubborn about asking for, accepting, and even understanding that I need help. The toddler declaring firmly, “Me do it MESELF!” comes to mind. When I do finally cop to needing help, I usually look elsewhere. We’ve been trained to think that reaching out to other people – experts, doctors, counselors, friends – is the best and most effective way to receive the care we need. We forget that we also have inner resource.

That morning of canceled appointments, of resting, of taking it way down, I did end up doing something: I wrote this post. I also read a lot. Reading can certainly be an escape activity for me, but it’s also part of my art: whenever I read, I’m taking in tone, language, characterizations and so much more, all information that informs my own writing. And writing is what anchors me to this earth, what I have received as a gift from the universe and what I give back to the universe. More and more, I am finding that when I can anchor myself in my art, my gift, my blessing, I am able to keep a clearer head about what I need to do to take care of myself.

Today, my queer femme cupcakes, honor your inner resources, the ones that you so freely give to others: caring, listening, problem solving, sitting with, empathizing with… Turn them on yourself in the gentlest, most generous fashion.

Today, and every day, remember to count on yourself the way you can an expert, a friend, a family member. Call on your own resources, not because you’re all alone and there’s no one else who can help you or understand you (an easy place for all of us queer femmes to go), but because you trust yourself and because you are a trusted member of your own support team. Because you know, deep down, what it feels like to be anchored, to be in synch with the universe and with yourself.

The resources you’ve gathered over a lifetime – turn them on yourself today.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)