Last week when I went to get my labs done at the oncology clinic, I rode the elevator down with a pair of queers I know from around. They didn’t recognize me, I don’t think, and I tried to give them a lot privacy, as it seemed one of them was dealing with a recent cancer diagnosis and I didn’t want to intrude. But I did feel great sympathy for them, being just that little bit further along in the process. And I did see them. Later, in the car, I even wept for them.
Every queer I know has stories about being harassed in the bathroom, the changing room, the locker room, and out in public, and femmes who are usually invisible become hypervigilent when they’re walking out with queer friends who are more visibly not-straight. We are always on alert when not on friendly ground (my shoulders drop about six inches when I’m in Provincetown…), constantly having to deal with other people’s reaction to our appearance (or our coming out) and the meaning they slap onto it. Seeing those queers in the elevator, witnessing their uncertainty and pain, feeling so much compassion and love for them, made me think, though. I saw and held them; I’m still holding them, but it’s unlikely they’ll ever know that there was a femme in the elevator the other day giving them so much heart. And that means I bet I get seen and loved on by other queers when I’m out and about way more than I know, that there is queer love coming at me, surrounding me.
Bodacious, sweet o’ my heart, generous and complicated femme sisters, I know you got it to give, but today, remember to receive. We are everywhere and even if we don’t nod or wink, we see each other much more than we might imagine. When you walk out, make room for a little queer love to come on into your queer femme bosom, because your presence in the world is a joy and a blessing, and it does not go unnoticed.
Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, kind, and wise and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.
At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)
The Total Femme 