Femme Friday – Moon Eaters, a zine edited by Lily Xie, Crystal Bi Wegner, and Ailin Lu in Somerville, MA

The other day whilst batting about in Davis Square, I was lucky enough to pick up an issue of Scout Somerville in which there is an article about a new zine, Moon Eaters. The zine is “at the intersection of Asian Pacific Islander American (APIA) and femme identities” and the first issue was released in June. The Scout Somerville article includes an interview with Moon Eaters editors, Lily Xie, Crystal Bi Wegner, and Ailin Lu.

“I feel like not seeing people who share something with you, it’s this loneliness,” says Lily in the interview. “It’s really hard to create your identity in a vacuum – you really latch onto whatever you can. There’s queer media and there’s APIA media, and there’s not a lot that is both, so you start to cobble together this mosaic of different pieces of your identity from these different worlds, but there’s a lot of things that conflict. So it’s sometimes confusing, there’s tension there. So having something that encompasses both of those worlds makes me feel a little less lonely.”

I haven’t managed to get an issue of Moon Eaters yet, but this old queer femme zinester from the 90s just can’t wait!

Deep gratitude to Lily, Crystal and Ailin for their essential and healing work, for their generosity, their art, their creativity and queer femme brilliance; for their discussion about amateur wisdom and about identifying red flags when someone might be trying to take advantage of your identity and for not being afraid of the challenge to talk about all of it.

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

 

Published in: on August 31, 2018 at 12:00 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Local Wildlife Haven

Kathleen Delany-Adams, my sweet femme sister down in Atlanta, just got her yard certified as a Wildlife Habitat by the National Wildlife Federation. She says it took three years, but it’s more than worth it. They have 11 different feeding stations for various creatures, five bird baths, including one for bees, and to top it all off, their yard is also a certified monarch way station!

Thank you, Kathleen, you fierce femme critter lover. You fucking rock!

We, too, can aspire to offering solace to pollinators and local wildlife:

https://www.nwf.org/Garden-For-Wildlife/Certify.aspx

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on August 29, 2018 at 12:00 AM  Comments (2)  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes – Sanctuary of Empathy

After an Al-Anon meeting recently, I found myself rather forcefully welcoming a newcomer. On the one hand, I remember being a newcomer and I wanted her to feel seen and heard. On the other hand, I was a hot mess myself that day, and really didn’t have anything at all to give. I watched, not able to stop myself, as I went into my caretaker role, going overboard on giving her information, not grounded in my body, my energy jitzy and floating. The problem isn’t that I’m not a good caretaker, because I am; the problem was not knowing that right then, I had nothing to give and it would have been a better welcome for her if I’d just smiled and gone on my way. The truth was, I needed caretaking myself, which is why I was at a meeting.

I’ve always prided myself on being a good friend. As an only child, I became skilled at being friends with all kinds of people, even with kids who didn’t like each other but who were friends with me. I saw myself as a good listener, a problem solver, a wise advice giver. If I couldn’t have siblings, at least I could attract people to me who might fill that void.

As a grown-up queer femme, I retain many of those same ideas about myself and work hard to make queer community – this blog included. My heart’s desire is to be able to be here for every queer who is hurting, who needs company, who feels alone. But I can go so far down the line of being understanding and sympathetic that I forget to pay attention to myself and my own needs. I get off on being the one everyone can depend on…until I tank, which inevitably happens, and then I’m left without much resource, since I’ve trained my friends and colleagues to believe that I’m all good and don’t need a hand.

We all need a hand.

In her brilliant book, The Body Is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, Sonya Renee Taylor says, “It is through our own transformed relationship with our bodies that we become champions for other bodies on our planet.” I must continue to transform my relationship with my body, my heart, my desires, my energy – all of it. If I am not right with myself – starting with my precious and beautiful body – I am not going to be able to do much for you, at least not something that includes the dimension of justice, which is what all loving relationships must possess in order to thrive and bring more love into the world. I can never offer you the sanctuary of empathy, no matter how much I long to do so, if I have not built it up around myself.

For about two years, every day, I read Swami Paramananda’s Book of Daily Thoughts and Prayers. It was a great exercise in my spiritual search for teachers and wisdom, and I learned so much. Although in the end I realized that the Swami’s path is not for me, I retain gratitude for his work and I absolutely love some of his prayers, many of which were of huge comfort to me during some very dark nights.

Sweet femme sisters, take care of yourselves. Seek wisdom with an open heart, seek support with humility. I know you love your families, your butches, your sweethearts, your babies and your friends and colleagues. But don’t run yourselves down until you have nothing left. Don’t forget that they love you, as well, if you will let them. Make room for them to show you that love. Ask for that love. Ask for support. Allow yourself to rest. Be good and loving to yourselves.

That is how our sacred femme work begins.

Oh Thou Effulgent Spirit,

Shed Thy radiance on my heart and mind

Fill my being with Thy divine light

That it may shine in all my thoughts and actions

And bring brightness in other lives

Surround me with Thy protecting love and Thy abiding peace

–Swami Paramananda, the reading for March 20 in Book of Daily Thoughts and

            Prayers, Sri Ramakrishna Math, Mylapore, 1977

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Published in: on August 27, 2018 at 12:00 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Friday – Julia at Femme on a Mission

For a brief period back in 2011, Julia at Femme on a Mission: Changing the World In My Best High Heels produced a beautiful blog with fantastic posts on Pretty Ladies, Femme Theory and Femme Fashion. “The goal of this site is to increase femme visibility,” she writes, “while fostering understanding and acceptance of all identities, genders, and sexual orientations. Beyond this, I also hope to fight back against the current of media and misogyny that traps women into believing that femininity is weakness, when in fact it can be a source of great strength.”

Right the fuck on!!

You, dear femme reader, perhaps know that my internet search skills are next to nil, but it looks like now Julia is on tumblr here, and that she is a graphic designer who spends a lot of time simming. Being a simmer. Something I know little to nothing about, although I have a vague idea. At any rate, we femmes are everywhere, is more to the point, and when we are out and proud, all worlds benefit.

Deep gratitude to Julia for her femme-tastic and lovely blog, and for her current work, which is very sweet and ever so queer!

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on August 24, 2018 at 3:48 AM  Comments (2)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – Nicole Gonzales and Changing Woman Initiative

I suppose I was about 6 months pregnant when my partner at the time and I toured the hospital where I was to give birth. As soon as we were outside again, I completely broke down. “I can’t be in a hospital!” I wailed. “I just can’t!” Whether my response was due to remembered trauma from my toddler-era hip operations, or just because I felt so deeply that giving birth shouldn’t be equated with being ill, I don’t know, but I switched practices soon thereafter to a group of midwives affiliated with a birthing center. Too many pregnant women are deeply interfered with, kept from their own bodies’ wisdom and the knowledge of ancestors and healers. Every time I hear about somebody turning the western medical “pregnancy as probable medical disaster” idea on its head, I am so grateful!

Thank you, Nicole Gonzales and Changing Woman Initiative, for your hard work, kindness and depth of vision around working with birthing wisdom from your Navajo tradition and for modeling how to center traditional and cultural birthing knowledge!

https://www.abqjournal.com/1208637

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on August 22, 2018 at 3:23 AM  Comments (2)  
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Pingy-Dingy Wednesday – A Tribe Called Geek

“Indigenenerdity for the Geeks at the Powwow.” What more need I tell you? Well, I can reprint what they say about the website:

A Tribe Called Geek is an award-winning media platform for Indigenous Geek Culture and STEM. Dedicated to showcasing and encouraging Indigenous contributions to geek & pop culture as well as STEM fields, ATCG utilizes their website and podcast to discuss native representation or the lack thereof in mainstream geekery with fellow Indigenerds from across Turtle Island.

Just get over there! And be sure to watch their “Who Do You Rep?” video, as well as read their latest posts, “Top 10 Indigenous Reads for the Summer 2018” and “Top 10 Songs by Indigenous Artists You Should Know About.” Sooooo good!

Thank you for your most excellent and most excellently nifty website, fabulous, marvelous, wonderful Indigenerds!

http://atribecalledgeek.com/

I’m a typewriter whompin’, card catalogue lovin’ white girl from back in the day, and I yearn for a time before the covers of trade paperbacks were all squidgy, so you can imagine that I don’t actually understand what a pingback is. I do know that it can in some way be part of spreading the love, and since that’s what I’m all about at The Total Femme… every Wednesday, I pay homage to the laughter, love, and inspiration to be had elsewhere online.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on August 15, 2018 at 4:52 PM  Leave a Comment  
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Meditations for Queer Femmes – Mountain Lioness Prayer from Miel Rose

Today, sweet femme sisters, a beautiful uplift from Miel, whose writing, healing, and strong and inspiring presence is such a gift. At a recent “Naughty Femme Stories” at Womencrafts in Provincetown, I read this prayer to open and bless the space. Thank you and deep gratitude to you, Miel!

Bless Me, Mountain Lioness

May I stand whole unto myself

Beloved in all my parts

May the voice of authority I heed closest

Always be my own

Let my desire reside firmly in my heart

A compass to guide me down the Golden Path

When I feel caged and leashed by over acculturation

Let me take my inspiration from you

Knowing intrinsically that I am a creature of wilderness

And holding first and foremost

To myself.

With a heart overflowing

I thank you.

Miel Rose is a witch and healer living and practicing in Western, Mass. Check out her etsy store, Flame and Honeycomb: an eclectic line of magical offerings, including sacred votives, herbal skincare, magical honey sweetened chocolates, hand embroidered art pieces and more!

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

Published in: on August 13, 2018 at 10:03 AM  Leave a Comment  
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Femme Friday – Literary Femmes: Torch Singer, Olivia Hill

Thank goodness for smut. And thank goodness for Best Lesbian Erotica, a series that will reliably yield juicy and delicious tales of queer nastiness. In 2015, the illustrious Laura Antoniou edited BLE, and chose, wisely, to include Nicole Wolfe’s hot and heavy historical story “Lovely Lady Liberty.”

Deep gratitude to Nicole for loving Olivia Hill onto the page, and for allowing her to love on one of the WASPs who definitely isn’t interested in those rowdy airmen at the USO show.           

            Janine and her fellow WASPs had crammed into the back of the crowd inside Hickam Air Force Base’s mess hall. The USO crew had cleared the hall of tables and chairs earlier and put up their portable stage….

Then came Olivia Hall, star of the newest MGM thriller – The Silent Laugh. She played the sultry, strawberry-blonde-haired-hourglass-shaped torch singer who pulled the detective into her web of deceit. She walked onstage in a sequined bikini designed like the American flag and held a burning silver sparkler. The Hickam airmen roared so loud that it wouldn’t drowned out air raid sirens.

“Happy Fourth of July!” she yelled to the crowd. The airmen exploded with catcalls, cheers and whistles. Justine could barely hear her singing a sexy rendition of “You’re a Grand Old Flag.”

Michelle, one of Justine’s fellow WASPs, shook her head as she watched the crowd. “You’d think those guys had never seen a woman before.”

Carla, Justine’s other fellow WASP, just smiled. “That’s fine by me,” she said. “That means we’ll have our pick of the litter after she’s done warming them up.”

Olivia Hill spanked herself with the sparkler, bringing wall-shaking cheers from the airmen. She finished her song, lit an airman’s cigarette with her sparkler and then disappeared behind a curtain.

for the rest of the story, apply to Best Lesbian Erotica 2015, ed., Laura Antoniou, Cleis Press, and enjoy!! Oh, and if you have a favorite literary femme, please let me know!!

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)

 

 

Published in: on August 10, 2018 at 4:48 PM  Leave a Comment  
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