Femme Friday – Aryka Randall and She’s Just Not That Into You; The Fab Femme’s Guide to Queer Love & Dating

Back a few years ago when she was 24, Aryka started The Fab Femme website (now TTF Mag), with the hope of connecting femmes of all kinds; she is also the creator of the web series, “Girl Play” and does a ton more online stuff . Her 2016 book of queer femme advice is sweet, creative and loving, not to mention super cute!

Deep gratitude to Aryka for her dedication to the love lives and wellbeing of all femmes, for her outreach and contributions to the queer femme community (check out TFF Mag’s “Shit Femmes Like”!), and for including a shout out to the memory of her dog, Molly, in her book – our pets accompany us for too short a time, but we are so glad that they come into our lives!

 Sometimes, in relationships, people confuse healthy growth with toxicity. This is because growing pains hurt like hell and it’s easier to slap a negative label on them and avoid them than to face the changes necessary to evolve into a better person. Your true soul mate will take you on a journey of self-discovery that you didn’t even know existed. The journey won’t always be pleasant, but it will be worth it.

To be clear, there are moments when you will date someone who isn’t right for you and their criticism will be directed at you in a negative way because of their own internal issues. These people are toxic and are not making a genuine effort to help bring some light into your life. They just want to tell you negative things about yourself to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. Beware of these people. They are emotional vampires and they won’t be ready to change until they grow tired of whatever is causing turmoil in their life. Misery loves company. Stay away from people who bring you down to make themselves feel more adequate. That’s not love, it’s mental abuse.

— from the chapter, “Process of Elimination: Avoid Toxic Relationships” in Aryka Randall’s She’s Just Not That Into You; The Fab Femme’s Guide to Queer Love & Dating, Mango Media, Inc., 2016

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. I want to feature you! Write to me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com and let me shine a spotlight on your beautiful, unique, femme story!

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday and Femme Friday on Friday. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”)