Femme Friday — Shar Rednour and The Femme’s Guide to the Universe

Currently tweeting apace at @SharRednour, our featured queer femme goddess, has, in her long and glittered career, co-authored a book with Carol Queen (THE Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone!), been an editor at On Our Backs, written and published on many important queer topics, including virginity (Virgin Territory 1 and 2), toured with Sister Spit, gently guided Susie Bright in an understanding about the difference between stilettos and Stouffer’s, created and edited starphkr the zine, which later was published by Alyson as Starf*cker, and taught classes like, “Great Sex, Good Parent: The Missing Chapter in Your Whole Life Parenting!”. And that’s not even the half of it! In short, Shar has had her impeccably manicured finger right smack on the pulse of all things queer femme for some time.

The Femme’s Guide to the Universe was first published in 2000. The Guide was updated by Her Shar-ness in 2012 to include even more essential femme content, and is a must for every femme, new and experienced alike.

If you’re like me, for example, and grew up with a very down-to-earth mom who had very little to give in the arena of girly tips, it’s fun to have an accomplished femme like Shar walk you through, say, nail care and “The Power of Delightful”, but The Guide is au fond a beacon of queer femme love from one big-hearted queer femme to you and to me.

Deep gratitude to Shar for being so fucking femme!

What I absolutely do not want to do is put femmes into a box or to perpetuate, in any way, the silly notion that gender identity is rigid. I think women are so used to the whole fucking world trying to contain and define us that we get defensive and see opposition where there often is none. Girlfriend, you’re welcome here even if you’re a boyfriend tomorrow. So, with that said, allow me to sexplain….

Femme dykes come in a cornucopia of sexualities. We are not all bottoms, vanilla or otherwise. Nor are we all whip-wielding, corset-wearing dominatrixes. Some femmes are high femme, some medium. Some look corporate, some punk. Some live quiet and some loud. Some make quiche and others make noise. But I’ve found that whether we like to put a butch over our knee or another femme between the sheets, we’re all objects of desire. You might think that I just misspoke, that I should have said, “We all love being objects of desire.” No, I wrote what I meant.

 The phrase “object of desire” (OoD: pronounced “oo” as in coo-o-ool and “dee” as in de-e-elicious) usually refers to a person being the subject or object of another person’s lust, obsession, and desire. I have determined that “object of desire” is its own class of sexual orientation, the way the terms fag or femme or dyke or S/M are often used. OoDs get their rocks off independent of others’ reactions to them. This is my turn-on, no matter who I’m with or even if I’m not with anyone. Being an OoD means our levels of arousal rise when someone gets excited by being with us or looking at us. We get turned on simply from turning on others.

The Femme’s Guide to the Universe by Shar Rednour (2000 edition)

Every Friday, I showcase a queer femme goddess. Suggestions welcome!

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Oh goodness, I can so relate to that! It’s very interesting: I’ve been trying to explain to my new butch lover what i like in bed, & the clearest i could be about it emotionally was ‘the more into something you are, the more I will enjoy receiving it, whether it’s top or bottom, kink or vanilla; what really turns me on is you being turned on.’ I’m a very decisive, empowered woman in the world, but being the object of someone’s butch desire ROCKS my world! 🔥🔥🔥
    Thanks for this enlightening post; I’d been worrying I was being too malleable…

  2. Oh, I’m so glad! Shar is the bomb, and you are, too! xottf

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