Autumn Appetite

Long ago, when I lived in Japan, as summer faded away and the cooler weather started, people would remark to each other that they had shokuyoku no aki, or autumn appetite – like bears, I used to think, hungry to stock up on sustenance in order to hibernate.

Being the little academic brat that I was (both parents were university professors for over 50 years), my autumn appetite has always been more about the excitement of new projects beginning, new vistas opening, new pens and pencils and notebooks and opportunities as summer ended and the school year began.

This autumn, I am hungry for a little stability. A little plateau of cozy.  A time of settling.

3 years ago, I had major hip surgery. 2 years ago, my butch Beau moved here to live with me and the boys, after we’d sustained a long-distance relationship for more than 5 years. Last year, I slogged through the trenches getting a parenting agreement in place – lawyers and all – with my ex, the other mother of Seth and Owen. Somewhere in there, my mom had her own major hip surgery (and I flew across country to be with her), and, OH YEAH! This summer, my butch Beau became my butch Husband. That’s right, people, she and I are now legally wed, at least in a handful of states. It was a truly fun affair featuring ancient rites, heartfelt vows, merry klezmer music, local food and cake, touching toasts, loving friends and family, and Seth and Owen looking very fine in their ties and jackets. But boy, what a lot of work!

And now, with the changing season, my autumn appetite has kicked in big time. Instead of pushing aside a whole slew of things that I can’t pay attention to because, for example, I’m working overtime with my lawyer to find a way of presenting this parenting agreement to my ex so that she’ll actually agree to it, I’d like to seriously consider, say, joining the church choir. Giving a pilates class a good college try (hey! I have abs!). Having some kind of routine, for heaven’s sake, and maybe even a social life!! and not feel so much like I’m just hanging on by my fingernails and at the mercy of Some Big Thing, even when that Big Thing is as happy as our Wonderful Wedding.

It’s a very, very rainy day here, a day conducive of contemplation, tea, and procrastination. Of taking stock of a thing or two. And of getting used to the idea that, here in the burbs, a Femme Mom and Wife might look around at her life and feel a little less buffeted and a little more able to chart the course in a pleasing manner. What with our meat share, our local produce, and some pretty good neighborhood restaurants, the food is good and golly, the company is just scintillating (more on them in future blog entries), so bring it on, the shokuyoku no aki. I’m all over it.

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Published in: on October 6, 2010 at 6:00 AM  Leave a Comment  

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