Because Owen was put in a lower skill group than Seth (the one made up of him and me) and this precipitated a big meltdown starting with “Just once, just once, I want to be better than Seth at a sport,” moving through, “I don’t have any friends,” and sputtering to a stop only because he was in bed and falling asleep with, “I’m just a math nerd and a computer geek.” Didn’t matter that I reminded him of his awesome pitching arm, the fact that his buddy the Greek God had been over just that afternoon for a few hours of chummy togetherness, nor that being good at math and computers is a serious plus.
The saddest thing was hearing Seth’s taunts come out of Owen’s mouth: you suck, no one likes you, you’re a nerd. Which, of course, are Seth’s own fears about himself. Sigh. Today is Seth’s guitar lesson, which means I have him alone in the car which means I can (for the millionth time) have a talk with him about not being such a bully to Owen, who loves him and has his back, that when he’s mean to Owen, it affects the whole family, which loves him and has his back, and that he’s teaching Owen to find fault with himself where there is no fault, and that that kind of behavior does nothing at all for Seth’s soul or karma. Etc. I mentioned that this is for the millionth time, I know I did.
I had wanted to write about how having two houses is hard on the boys and on us in so many ways, and here’s one: I get Seth alone in the car today and I can talk with him about being shitty to Owen, which always makes him sad and defensive. Then he sleeps here and wakes up grumpy, usually, then he goes to school and then I don’t see him again until Monday (today is Tuesday). So there’s no real follow through and I can’t check up on his promise (he’s sure to promise) that he’s going to lay off. Ok, I can write to Anne about it, but there’s no guarantee that she’ll do anything about it, and it’s tricky – I try to stay out of her business when she has the boys. Her parenting style, as I may have mentioned, is very, very, very different from mine.
Well, it’s doing some kind of mixed precip out there and I’m on my way to read to Owen’s class, which I try to do once a week or so, along with volunteering at the library. I’m going to miss the elementary school! But check it out: tears or no tears, accompanied by my devil spawn or no, I’m going to keep going to badminton and learn how to boing that birdie, you just watch.
The Total Femme 