There are signs all down one of the main streets in town right now that say: NO PARKING AT ANYTIME. Driving Seth to his guitar lesson today, I gave him a bit of a lecture about the difference between AT ANYTIME and AT ANY TIME. He was deeply fascinated and asked a lot of really intelligent and pertinent questions. Ha. Ha.
But anyway (not any way), I’ve been riffing (as we used to say in the dark ages) on the whole PARKING AT ANYTIME thing and feel that it should be the name for my next novel (after the two I’m already working on have been duly completed), or at least a short story. I’m fascinated by ANYTIME. Where is it? What is it? I told Seth it could be a house or a park, but I’m wondering if it’s actually a country. Or a state of mind.
Right now I am in ANYTIME. I spent almost two hours on the phone with my ex, trying to convince her of any number of things that we need to do this fall for both boys, including getting both of them into this amazing club soccer deal that my Beau and I recently found (both boys went to camp there and were ecstatic every day – what a change from the farty-aroundy town soccer with stressed-out dads coaching!). I think we might be close to an agreement, but believe you me, that there was a long, long time parked at ANYTIME.
Two years ago I managed to feel the fear and get my hip operated on anyway so I could walk again. A little over two weeks ago, I did something to my back, and am now about as crippled and in pain as I was before the surgery. I have so far dealt with two chiropractors, one of whom had three cats in her waiting room and spent the entire appointment telling me a) how she’s been good about her diet this summer but she did just have some ice cream and b) about her dyslexic daughter and her battle with the public school system. Her treatment did nothing for me. The second chiropractor came highly recommended and is an arrogant, not-very-observant prickish sort of fellow (the kind of guy you have to come out to over and over again because he keeps mentioning your husband, and he doesn’t mean your lesbian husband, either), but I think his treatments might be doing something for me. Slowly. Sigh. Parking at ANYTIME.
I am being audited for the most ridiculously small amount of money you could imagine. The to-and-fro with MA TAX ESTABLISHMENT is entirely too tedious to detail, but I can assure you, I have been parking at ANYTIME for a ages with this little matter.
Heck. When I started this, I was thinking that ANYTIME was a magical place, like where you go when you’re parking in bed at ANYTIME with your sweet love, like how you’re parking at ANYTIME during those first few weeks when you’re both admitting you’re in love and the whole world is blooming and shiny, like those first few weeks after the baby is born and your boobs and your heart are overflowing and you can stare into each other’s eyes forever and the baby falls asleep on you, heavy and precious. Yes, yes, let’s allow ANYTIME to be that place, as well.
But it’s just that right now, ANYTIME is a bit gnarly, and I’m having a hard time, parked here. I want to be doing my morning walks in the dawn, where sometimes I see foxes, even in this suburb so near to Boston; I don’t want to be going through my bank statements and hoping that my deposits add up to what I told the tax people; I don’t want my ex to still be treating me like a psycho bitch who can’t be trusted and certainly shouldn’t be respected (funny ol’ projection at work again), oh, golly, I don’t want to be parked at this ANYTIME.
The thing about ANYTIME, though, is that it’s always both. At the same time that my back hurts like a mother fucker and all these insane perimenopausal symptoms plague me (I didn’t mention them above and really, they are too tedious to detail, but if you have stock in heavy duty maxi pads you can thank me now), at the SAME EXACT ANYTIME, I am more and more in love with my Beau, she is amazing, she is strong and handsome and dear dear dear to me, I am more and more proud of both boys, ohmigod you should have seen Seth this summer, he and I did a whole fucking year of Latin so that he can switch from Spanish (stupid, bad textbook, boring teachers) to Latin (interesting, filled with history which he loves, and an awesome teacher) – the boy worked so hard and was so dedicated, I still can hardly believe it – and Owen, Dr. Love, having his 10th birthday and deciding he wants to play soccer and soccer only and working his skinny little butt off at soccer camp, ohmigod, how proud I am of him, of both of them, and we had such a nice time visiting my parents out West who are old but healthy and happy and loving and working doing what they love, and my dear friend who is really my sister was there from her far-away abode in South America with her two darling boys and she and I would go have pastry and coffee every morning at the most amazing bakery and talk and talk and I’ve known her since 8th grade and I love her so much. I’ve been doing so much interesting reading, and so many things are going well here parked at ANYTIME. Taxes, menopause, exes, back pain, romantic love, mother love, literary love, oh, and we got a puppy! Puppy love! Maternal pride! Job satisfaction! Blogging again! ANYTIME is a complicated place. I guess I love being parked here.
The Total Femme 