Raised in a Den of Lesbians

Today when I was driving the boys over to their other mom’s house, we saw a couple of young women come out of a store together with their arms around each other.

“Lesbos,” Seth remarked.

“So what?” I asked. I’d actually assumed they were sisters because they looked so alike.

“It’s not often that you can see lesbians in their natural habitat,” continued Seth, in a Mutual of Omaha voice.

I laughed. “You do!” I chortled. “You LIVE in a DEN of lesbians!”

“Sucks!” he mumbled as I continued to cackle.

Then that hey hey my my song came on the radio. When Seth is in the car, we have to listen to stations like THE RIVER instead of my beloved college radio stations. I started lecturing on Neil Young, how famous he is and how he has such a distinctive voice, blah, blah, blah. After that, “Layla” came on.

“What artist is this?” I asked the boys. They didn’t know, so I started razzing Seth a little the way he always does to Owen, “What?! You don’t know who this is? You call yourself a rock and roller?” He was grinning, but Owen, Mr. Sensitive, told me to stop playing.

“Ok, here’s a hint!” I said. We were now in front of Sarah’s house. I put the car in park and started clapping. The boys still didn’t get it. “Ok, here’s another clue: the first name is the name of one of your old babysitters, and the last name has this in it!” I clapped again, very perky.

“Eric Clapton?” guessed Seth, beginning to open the door.

“Yes! Wasn’t that a good hint?”

Seth was still opening the door. “It was a gay hint,” he said.

I cracked up. I was having such a good time! “That’s because I’m SO GAY!” I shouted happily.

Alas: “Screw you!” mumbled Seth, flushed and horrified, escaping at last. I mean, all the empty space in the entire parking lot heard me yelling! All the empty houses did, too! Once again, he had to weather the intense disappointment and frustration of having been dealt a mom like me. He didn’t even say goodbye and I’m not going to see him again until Saturday. Dang.

When Owen dutifully trudged over to the window to hug me goodbye, I said, “I made Seth mad – don’t let him take it out on you, ok?” I also told him I loved him.

Driving away, I was shaking my head at myself. Why do I have to be such a freak? I just can’t help it! And I think I’m so damn cute! I stopped at the library before going home and discovered a nest of graphic novels in the children’s room and checked some out for Seth. Owen isn’t in to them, but Seth has been liking stuff like Bone lately. Then I went to the bathroom and discovered my fly was GAPING open. Plus, my hair looked ratty, I wasn’t wearing lipstick, and I left the house in such a hurry this morning that I was wearing the same shirt I wore yesterday.


Oh, and hey man. Rock and roll will never die.

Published in: on March 6, 2009 at 12:51 AM  Comments (1)