In the overload of a few unprecedented unmoored months, I’ve had more trouble than ever finding even a few minutes to be at rest. Everything is at a frenetic pace, everything is demanding my stressed out attention more than ever.
I’ve heard similar stories from many friends and acquaintances: something in the stars, the water, the zeitgeist, our frantically beating hearts. This season of disconnect and untethering where dads have died and relationships have taken hits. Health has crumbled, children have struggled, friends are facing tragedy and more. Not to mention the wider world. Oh, my sweets, the wider world!
It’s one thing right after another, boom, boom, boom. No moments of respite, no recovery time.
This morning, though, I managed a walk through the neighborhood and down by the river. No phone, no book, no computer, just the busy in my head. Very, very busy. And and but, the grass was wet and the wet got into my shoes, pulling me down to the earth. A swan flew over, some geese flew over, the sound of wings and honking pulling me up to the heavens. A lollopy old dog shuffled by with his lollopy old owner. The dog barked hello, making me smile.
I say I can’t find a minute to rest, but this morning there were those moments and more, in and around my busy, my must-do, my why-did-I-do, my what-will-I-do-next.
A great blue heron rose into the sky.
A yuppie jogger gave me a huge smile and a cheerful good morning.
And, to my relief, I was able to pay attention to how the busy held still for a minute.
My queer femme acrobats, are you also facing immense transition? Veering, zig zagging, dodging, piling on, stripping off, blundering about in response to increasingly confusing daily challenges? Is the world closing in on you in ways you never before thought you would have to manage?
That transition and zig zag, that challenge and blunder, they travel along with the wet grass and the friendly jogger and the exquisite great blue heron. The crickets in the bushes and the little kids on the playground talking earnestly about you-can’t-quite-hear-what but they’ve got their heads together and they’re smiling a secret smile at each other.
Just a brief lens switch for just a brief breath.
Hold still for a minute.
Let yourself be held for a minute before you rush on.
Hold still for a minute and hold on!
Every Monday (except when I post on a Tuesday!), I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.
At the Total Femme, my intention has been to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Lately, I’ve just been concentrating on Mondays. And sometimes weeks go by… I’m here, though. I’m here.
The Total Femme 