The Total Femme

Friday night, Tex and I went to the Dyke March. Saturday afternoon we had a little neighborhood Pride gathering in our driveway. Yesterday, we went to our town’s Pride event on the grounds of Town Hall.

At the Dyke March, we marched with the Urvies, holding signs with photos of Urvashi Vaid (1958-2022) and chanting things like:

Never straight! Always curvy! We are marching for our Urvi!

and

We’re dykes! Don’t touch us! We’ll kill you!

and

2, 4, 6, 8! Right wing assholes, stop the hate!

My sign said: Crush White Supremacy on one side, and Fuck SCOTUS on the other.

Being with the Urvies, talking with younger folx to let them know who Urvashi was, shouting out our anger, grief, and community connection with other dykes was deeply, deeply satisfying.

In our driveway on Saturday neighborhood queers of all ages and situations mingled and chatted. I organized an extremely ad hoc mini-Pride parade for the kids – one mom decorated her daughter’s bike handles with festive rainbow socks. A bit chaotic, as these events always are, we were still able to chit chat and get to know each other just that much better. It was chill, and sweet, and slightly chaotic (there were tears and scraped knees from some of the younger set). I loved it.

Yesterday, groups of rainbowed out middle schoolers sat together on the grass, many wearing various flags as capes. A young lesbian, member of the high school Gender/Sexuality Alliance walked around hanging out rainbow beads to anyone who needed some. Town officials, including the chief of police, select board members, and commissioners from the Rainbow Commission read the 2016 proclamation announcing the creation of the LGBTQIA+ Rainbow Commission. I hugged friends and colleagues I hadn’t seen in a couple of years and chatted with a few of the kids. I really miss chatting with queer kids, so my soul was fed.

There was no Pride in Boston this year, which, according to Joan Ilacqua in an opinion piece earlier this month might be a good thing, as it gives us time as a community to reassess what our needs are and to address them. As Ilacqua says, “[o]ur community’s resilience and joy are some of its defining features and part of its greatest strength”.  

I gathered strength from the three Pride events this weekend. Motivated by my love of queers, I’ve done my most fulfilling work, from organizing in my town (I was so proud to be the Rainbow Commission’s first chair, for example) to the writing I’m doing now. It’s the spark that keeps me going, it’s the most essential part of who I am.

You, beauties. Your spark, your queer femme joy, your strength in the face of it all. Not just for Pride month. Not just for these joyous gatherings, but always, always. What can you do every fucking day to plug in to that source of queer abundance? What do you do? Large and small, you gather it in and then you give it back out. We need each other. We need you.

Your queer femme joy is without compare.

I love you.

Every Monday, I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women. Would you like to offer up a Meditation of your own? I would love that! Send it along to me at thetotatalfemme@gmail.com.

At the Total Femme, my intention is to post three or four times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, Femme Friday on Friday, and (new for spring 22!) the occasional Sometimes On A. Rather than play catch-up in a stressful fashion on those weeks when life prevents posting, I have decided to just move gaily forward: if I miss a Monday, the next post will be on Wednesday, and so on. Thank you, little bottle of antibiotics for inspiring me in this! (“…if it’s almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and continue your regular dosing schedule. Don’t take a double dose to make up for a missed one.”) And…as I go through life life life, I will post as I am able, Mabel.