The Total Femme

This morning I was stopped at a red light right behind a big ol’ SUV. Yep, there I was, gayly assuming we were both going gayly forward, when, right in the middle of the intersection, that big ol’ SUV slammed to a halt and turned on their left blinker. Oh, now you tell me! At the time I was quite justifiably annoyed, but now the whole thing kind of makes me giggle. That classic Boston driver move, straight out of the manual*, is just exactly what it is. Reminding me that out of everywhere else in the world, this is where I live, this is what happens. Reassuring and grounding, somehow.

Part of the reason I think I’m oddly grateful for this devilish traffic maneuver is that I’m feeling very floaty and out of it today. Everything is swirling around in my mind and my heart, and by everything, I mean all the sadness, all the negative. It isn’t everything, actually, if it’s only the negative, but it sure does feel like a lot. Funny, isn’t it, how something negative helped punt me back into the actual everything, because then…when I pulled into my driveway, there was a gust of wind and a gorgeous swirl of oak leaves tumbling and skirllng and I sat and watched and I breathed and smiled.

How is it that the Boston driver prompted me to write this post, and not a friend’s head-explodingly cute very new puppy I had only this morning been holding in my arms and she fell asleep? Heavy and round and so soft. She opened my heart and lowered my blood pressure, for sure, but somehow it was that sneaky left turn that got me to you this morning.

Dancing, twirling, tumbling, orange and crumbly at the edges oak leafy autumnal bonfire beautiful and queer femme sisters, don’t we sometimes need a slightly salty reminder, tugging us back to the whole? Don’t we oh-so-often tend to veer? I know I do, getting bogged down in all the sadness, all the disappointments, turning it in on myself and wanting-not-wanting to stay there forever.

Be it a puppy or a regional annoyance or something completely different, how can you use that crazy thing to remind you to pause for a moment today in the all and everything instead of the very specific and infuriating? Even if the thing itself is infuriating? Ha! Life is weird. Do what you can do, my beloveds.

And remember: always use ya blinkah!!

* The Boston Driver’s Handbook: Wild in the Streets by Ira Gershkoff and Richard Trachtman

Many a Monday I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

Do you have a meditation to share? I would love to welcome you here! Email me at: thetotalfemme@gmail.com