The Total Femme

Getting dressed the other day, I looked in the bedroom mirror at my been-through-the-wringer-62-year-old body and for the first time in my life, pretty sure, the word that came into my mind was, “Sturdy.”

            I was surprised.

            I’ve said so so so many other, unloving words to and about my body over the years. Over and over. Even after a lot of hard work addressing body image and fatphobia and misogyny and so much all the rest of it, I would still come up with those angry, ugly words at my sweet self in the mirror.

            Sturdy is so beautiful, though. Sturdy is strong and solid and satisfying. Sturdy is brave and beautiful and bodacious. Sturdy is I own it and I am all that and I will prevail. Sturdy is queer and keepin’ on and cute as hell. Sturdy is sexy and super sweet and sinister.

Sturdy is still here.

My brave, my prevailing, my sweet super sweet sexy sinister queer femme sisters, how much have you done, how hard have you worked, how many difficulties and disappointments and down-hearted slopes have you navigatedgottenthroughmanagedfiguredout to get to this very frabjous day?

Sosososososo many, I know.

Oh, look in the mirror.

See what I see.

Tell yourself that different story, the elusive one, the one The Man hates, the one that’s been kept from you and denied you and held out of reach.

Today, it is right here for the enjoying.

Tomorrow, too.

For the rest of your life.

Sturdy.

So sturdy.

We are.

Every Monday I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention has been to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Lately, I’ve just been concentrating on Mondays. And sometimes weeks go by… I’m here, though. I’m here. Do you have a post you’d like to share? That would be fucking awesome! Contact me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com