The Total Femme

You wake up already listing your needs and responsibilities. Your worries.

You may not think anyone would want to hear about those worries. They’re probably ridiculous, after all. And what a burden they would impose on others, who have their own stuff to deal with!

In fact, you may not be very good at articulating the things that weigh you down. You may not even understand that these things are worries. You might think everyone struggles the same way you do, that it’s perfectly normal. It might never even occur to you to ask for help.

You hold on.

You’re good at remembering all the times things went wrong. When you made mistakes, only you might call it “fucking up” or “being an idiot.” You go along for long moments in time assuming that this is your trajectory.

“Would you be that hard on a friend?” asks the therapist, the spiritual leader, the health practicioner.

“Oh, no!” you answer truthfully, but some nasty logic in your brain insists that no one is quite as off-kilter as you are, as messed up or undeserving.

Your heart tells you differently, my stars, my queer femme sisters, my spirits, my blossoms. Today let it tell you that truth.

You still yourself for a moment. You feel yourself swaddled in gravity, bouyed by atmosphere, washed in sunlight or rain or snow or wind.

If you’re near water, it flows.

If you’re near mountains, they speak.

Prairie or dessert, wide open and direct.

You hold on.

Until you can let go.

Every Monday I offer a Meditation for Queer Femmes, in the spirit of my maternal grandmother, Mimi, who was fabulous, and from whom I inherited her Meditations for Women.

At the Total Femme, my intention has been to post three times a week: Meditations for Queer Femmes on Monday, Pingy-Dingy Wednesday on Wednesday, and Femme Friday on Friday. Lately, I’ve just been concentrating on Mondays. And sometimes weeks go by… I’m here, though. I’m here. Do you have a post you’d like to share? That would be fucking awesome! Contact me at thetotalfemme@gmail.com